Wednesday, March 25, 2009

so you want number 3?

I am a slacker. Well, at least a "blog" slacker. And a "get back to work" slacker. And a "make a real effort to lose the baby weight" slacker. You see, Dilly is going to be two months on Saturday and 90% of the time, I am trapped in my house. And the other 10%, you ask? Well, that 10% consists of the one (or two) activity that is scheduled each day. And by scheduled I mean, we either pay for it (school and gymnastics) or I feel really guilty if I miss it (my daily run). Other that that, I am having a hard time getting anywhere (read: motivated to get anywhere).

Having three kids is tiring. Nursing is tiring. Not sleeping is tiring. And to be completely honest, most of the time I am afraid that I am not going to be able to handle all three of them at once if we leave the house. I am just not mentally on my game. I'm a pretty good faker, but I don't really feel on top of it. And in those rare moments when I do, I usually feel like someone is getting neglected. Usually Dilly, for two reasons. One, since she can't yell at me to look at her. And two, she probably won't remember these early days, so she can't hold it against me.

I know that it will get better. But at this moment, I know why so many people who want big families stop at three. It's because when you have two, you think it's a piece of cake and adding one, two or three more can't be that much harder. But then that third one arrives and you realize how completely wrong you were. I love my kids to death, but three against one is never a fair fight.

1 comment:

momof3 said...

Oh honey, I totally know how you feel. And it will get better, in about 6-8 weeks you'll be thinking, "Why was I struggling?" In the meantime, this is why it's called "the trenches", this is why people say "it takes a village", this is why a good support system is so important. If I can ever do anything, anything at all to help you through a day, let me know. It's also tough to have the 3rd one in the winter, because it's dark out, cold out, and people just don't get enough sunlight in the winter.

Of course, listen to me give you a pep talk. Today I totally needed someone to help me kid wrangle my own 2 year old, 6 year old and 9 year old... well, that's untrue, the 9 year old wrangles herself. I need someone to motivate me to NOT sit down when I have 15 minutes of quiet and to "DO something" in those 15 minutes.... so I guess maybe I'm struggling too.