a compromise has been made

I have always wanted two children. I had hoped that science would have improved enough by the time I was ready to have those children, that I would have "bubble babies" - literally a baby born in a bubble. But, alas that did not happen. So I thought, "Wouldn't it be great to have twins?" I mean, come on, only one pregnancy. But, that too, didn't work out. So I had two pregnancies and two beautiful little girls. And I wouldn't change a thing!

But as Doodle has gotten older, J and I have contemplated having more than our agreed upon two. But I'm fearful of odd number children (isn't one always left out), so, having one more really means having two more. Initially, we were pumped and agreed that we could handle four. That it wouldn't be that much of a change. I mean come on, our kids are great and if we were lucky enough to get two more like them it would be a piece of cake.

So, we decided to stop preventing another pregnancy and let nature take it's course. But as reality of what another child (and ultimately children) would mean really set in, we began to have second thoughts. It's expensive to have more kids. We are spenders and a family of six means a bigger car, a bigger house and a bigger grocery bill. The trips we want to take would continue to get put off. Would we be able to give them all that they need and want?

And what about me, I would lose my body to pregnancy again (twice) and I would be breastfeeding for two years on top of that. Theoretically, if we spaced them closely (two years apart) I would not have my body back until 2011 ... That's seven years of pregnancy and breastfeeding! And although I am being selfish, I don't know that I am prepared for that.

That being said, I would still love more kids. I would make the sacrifices, because I know that just having your children in your life make it worth it. But both J and I are going to have to compromise on some things, if it is ever going to happen.

To begin with is the number thing, in this time of economic downsizing, we too plan to downsize our brood from four to three. Giving us one more chance for that much elusive boy, but still keeping us from needing to upgrade our car, our house and everything else. Not to mention, keep us from needing to purchase six plane tickets to visit the grandparents.

The second compromise, which I actually proposed, is that we are giving it four months to happen. If by June, I am still not with child (you like that old fashioned talk, right?) we will stop trying and continue life with our family of four. Because, to be honest, I love my family exactly the way it is. I want to enjoy every moment with them and not stress about a "future addition." I don't want to be a slave to cycle-charting, peeing on a stick, and all that come with pregnancy and trying to conceive. So if I happens, it happens and we will be elated. And if it doesn't, then it doesn't and we will be equally as elated. I truly believe that what is supposed to happen will.

So for all of you that want to see me get fat, sorry, I mean pregnant, send fertility vibes my way. Or if you just want another grandchild, niece, nephew or all-around cute baby in the world, you can send those best wishes our way. But make it quick, the countdown has begun!