I've been considering what today would mean for me, pretty much every single day for the last 10 years.
I've gone back and forth on whether it would be more challenging and painful than the ones before. Or if the passing of an entire decade would somehow make things easier.
Truth be told, I'm still not sure.
10 years ago today, my father passed away.
It was sudden and unexpected. And recalling the moment when I knew he was gone, instantly brings me to tears. It's like not a single second has passed. I can remember every single detail about that night. I remember exactly what his sister said when I called to tell her. I remember thinking that it was unfair that I had to make those calls. And I remember how I knew that nothing would ever be the same.
And of course, nothing is.
It's funny. When you are a child a decade seems like an eternity. You long for the years to pass, wishing, knowing that something bigger and better is out there for you. Then as an adult, a decade passes with the blink of an eye and you are grasping to hold onto all those moments, good and bad, who have made you who you are.
Over the past 10 years, I have done my fair share of grasping on and letting go. I've tried my best to cherish all of the good in my life. I've tried my best to move past the pain. And I've realized that having faith or knowledge that your present and future are going to be amazing doesn't take anything away from your past.
Moving on doesn't devalue your memories. And it doesn't make those who've left us any less important. It just gives you the strength to keep going.
So, today, and all the rest of my days, I will move on. But, I will never forget.