Tuesday, September 18, 2012

cut and dry ...

I'm not the kind of parent who gets pushed around. I know how to stick to my guns, even if that means I upset/disappoint/baffle my children along the way. I set rules and stick to them. Long story short, I am the bad cop. (Note: That would make J the good cop, a role which he is totally happy to accept.)

It's always been this way. Well, at least for the nearly eight years I have been parenting. Honestly, I don't mind it. I'd rather be strict and overbearing and have my children appreciate it when they are adults (and parenting their own children), than have them always get what they want and for them to be happy with me 100% of the time.

The thing is, I am NOT their friend.

I am their mother.

I make the rules.

I have the authority in this relationship.

Yes, we are a team. Yes, we give each other endless amounts of love and respect. But, at the end of the day, I am in charge and my word is FINAL, regardless of what they may think.

Recently, Dilly has become immune to this fact. Take today for instance. We were shopping and she asked if she could buy some fruit leather. I told her choose one and I would get it for her. Simple, right?

Of course not.

Dilly proceeded to repeatedly put the wrapped fruit leather in her mouth. I repeatedly asked her to stop putting it in her mouth. She failed to cooperate. I told her that she either stopped or I would not purchase it for her. Again, she ignored my request.

So, I grabbed it from her and told her she wasn't getting it. *ensue meltdown*

That's when it got ugly.

Dilly started screaming, "But I'm hungry. Give it to me now! But, why?!?!" Completely over her behavior, we left the store. It was awesome! Best part may have been that she proceeded to scream for the entire 20 minute drive home.

Unfortunately, this is not a one time occurrence. For weeks, I have caught her putting her hair in her mouth (she denies any such activity occurred). And for weeks, I have been telling her that if she continued to chew on her hair, I would cut it off so that she couldn't.

She didn't believe me. And because she didn't, her hair went from this ...


to this ...


Six inches gone and if we are being honest, she's lucky I didn't just shave it all off. Wait, I might have to if she doesn't start to understand that I ALWAYS mean business ...

15 comments:

Runner Maybe said...

I totally get where youa are coming from. My 5 year old all of a sudden has forgotten how to listen!

Jessica (Pace of Me) said...

you are awesome!! i love this. i can totally relate to this story. abby has had shorter hair because of the chewing. it's getting longer now, and i'm hoping the habit doesn't return! good job for sticking to your guns!!! xo

Lisa said...

Yay for strong moms! I think too many parents give in way too easily. I know you havve to pick you battles, but I think some never even try.
My 6-year-old has been forgetting lately and has received harsh reminders (such as losing the ability to play with her friend)
Hopefully being the bad cop will yield a responsible and conscientious adult.

Kudos to you.

Lisa said...

Yay for strong moms! I think too many parents give in way too easily. I know you havve to pick you battles, but I think some never even try.
My 6-year-old has been forgetting lately and has received harsh reminders (such as losing the ability to play with her friend)
Hopefully being the bad cop will yield a responsible and conscientious adult.

Kudos to you.

Lisa said...

Yay for strong moms! I think too many parents give in way too easily. I know you havve to pick you battles, but I think some never even try.
My 6-year-old has been forgetting lately and has received harsh reminders (such as losing the ability to play with her friend)
Hopefully being the bad cop will yield a responsible and conscientious adult.

Kudos to you.

Colleen said...

I like that you lay down the law. They will appreciate that later in life! :) Kudos to you!

Running Ricig said...

My mom was like you and I always thought she was tough, but now I realize how awesome she was/is. And now that I'm an adult, we ARE friends.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

My mom would be applauding you and saying something like, "see Shelly. that is how you were with your oldest. You are being too soft with those little kids!"

She is right I cave too often. I just don't like the conflict...and yelling...and disobedince....

Happy Running Mama said...

I love this! We were at a fair recently and waited almost 30 minutes for my 3.5 year-old to get a set of fairy wings made out of balloons. They were awesome and she couldn't wait to take them to preschool the next day and show her friends.

That evening, she repeatedly did something that I asked her not to do. I warned her "if you do X one more time, I'm going to pop every balloon in your fairy wings." I thought that warning would stop her cold. Nope. She did X again. It almost broke my heart as I popped each and every balloon in her fairy wings! But I don't believe in empty threats. That might have been a little extreme but I also had a strict (but fair) mom and love her for it. :)

XLMIC said...

Right ON.

longlegsontheloose.com said...

you are so freaking bad ass momma! and she's lucky she's so darn cute either way!

Caroline said...

I am a strict mom too. Super strict. I tell my boys all the time "look at me...in my eyes..you and me, we are NOT friends".

If I say I will do something I do it..even if it means dealing with the tamper tantrums...

nobody said it would be easy to be a parent...right....

I am on your team.

Marnee said...

It is healthy to follow through on these kinds of things. It definitely teaches the children what we say is truth and we are giving our kids an environment where they can trust what we say in all we do..good or bad.

that said, I urge you to observe Dilly and the "things in the mouth" thing. Older children that put things in their mouth to "suck" are trying to comfort themselves...there might be something going on which is causing an excessive amount of oral fixation...she is too old for exploratory oral stage of development

just my two cents.

Sarah Jones said...

You are awesome, Mama! When I was little, my mom apparently threw down with me in the grocery store checkout line and when she stuck to her guns and I finally gave in, people clapped. Yay for tough moms!

Rachel said...

I feel ya... I'm always the bad cop. But good for you for sticking to your guns! My sis caught my nephew with his cell phone in his bed one morning (It's a rule in the house that cell phones don't go in the bedrooms) and he had lied about some other things and they shaved his head. Completely gone.