driving for dummies ...

Back in April, I got a speeding ticket. My first ticket EVER. I was so mad. Even if I totally deserved it. Fortunately, rather than paying the fine, I was able to go to driving school (which only cost about $30 less than paying the fine - not really sure how that makes sense).

Anyway, I decided that Saturday was going to be the day. But rather than sitting in a classroom for eight hours (and having to figure out the whole feeding Dilly thing), I had the brilliant idea of taking the course online. Or at least I thought it was brilliant. I had figured that I would read through the material (in much less than eight hours) then fly through the test. But no. It couldn't be that simple.

Instead, the online course had a timer, meaning it would take me every second of that eight hours to get through the material. FANTASTIC. And seeing that it never took me more than half of the allotted time per section to actually read everything, I wasted A LOT of time. Oh, and did I mention that when I finished the eight hours, I couldn't actually take the test? That I had to go to a testing center to do that? Yippee! (Note: I took the test in about 5 minutes. And scored a 96%. And if it had been allowed, I could have passed that test without sitting through the course.)

Back to my point. Now I am sure you are saying to yourself, "Well, you could have just gotten up once you read everything and let the timer count down." And you would be completely wrong. Because that sneaky course would ask random security questions every few minutes to make sure that you were in fact still sitting in front of the computer. Which meant I couldn't go anywhere that I couldn't still see the computer screen. But I guess there is a bright side. My bedroom is now spotless. And I learned a few interesting facts. Facts that I am dying to share with you now.

1. An exact quote. "The bicycle lane is for bicycles. Pretty obvious." (Are they trying to call me an idiot in some backwards kind of way?)

2. Another quote. "There is no trick to driving. All you need to do is pay attention." (Again, are they trying to insult me?)

3. The best defensive driving technique for dealing with large vehicles is to stay away from them.

4. "If driving in poor conditions that are deteriorating, pull to the side of the road, preferably to the other side of the guard rail." Huh? When is that even possible?

5. The best way to avoid drinking and driving is not to drink and drive. (Thank you Captain Obvious!) The second best way to avoid drinking and driving is to drink at home. That way you don't need to drive home! (Yeah! Let's all sit at home and drink it up!)

6. You can get a ticket for driving through a green light. Seriously, it's true. If you do not take the proper precautions when going through an intersection. You can get a ticket.

7. You do not need a license to drive a moped. But if your license has been revoked, it is illegal to drive a moped. (Really? Does that make sense?)

So, as you can see, I learned a lot of useful information ...