Thursday, July 8, 2010

road trip revelations ...

Yesterday, I braved the open road. Just me and my SUV and 300 miles. Oh, and the girls were there too. I knew that the trip would be a challenge, simply because I was outnumbered 3 to 1. But, I never considered all that I would learn. Our six hour trip opened my eyes to so many things.

I am now aware that ... it only takes my children 23 minutes to ask, "Are we there yet?" And they will continually ask that same question (with slight variations) every two and a half minutes. After 30 minutes, I totally remembered why I so rarely take my daughters on long road trips.

I am now aware that ... it is pointless to try to answer any questions about how long a certain amount of time is. There is no right answer. Whether my children want to know how long five minutes is or five hours, the answer will only evoke crying.

I am now aware that ... it takes less than an hour for my children to request a bathroom break. I know that children have small bladders, but really, AN HOUR?

I am now aware that ... Doodle thinks that needing to go to the bathroom will save her from EVERYTHING. Seriously. She saw a bug which caused her to scream and scream that she was going to pee her pants immediately. Then the bug disappeared. And suddenly she no longer needed to go. Interesting. Then when I called her on it, she looked at me like I had two heads.

I am now aware that ... going to a public restroom with three children aged five and under is absolutely NO FUN. Dilly has a tendency to stick her hands in the toilet. Knowing this, I was forced to wear her in a carrier on my back. While I peed. Challenging to say the least. Add that to the fact that Dizzle and Doodle were constantly fighting about who got to pee first and I'm sure you can imagine how enjoyable our three bathroom breaks were.

I am now aware that ... I have the only children who will not sleep (even for 10 minutes) during a six hour car ride. Not even Dilly. What's up with that?

I am now aware that ... you can get an ungodly amount of food at Taco Bell for $10. We ordered four cheese roll ups, two fresco bean burritos, three milks, and a diet coke. And had I let the girls order the lemonade instead of milk, we would have saved $3.

I am now aware that ... I am a port-o-john magnet. At one point, I was boxed in by three trucks carrying port-o-johns. The weird thing was that they all entered the highway at different locations.

I am now aware that ... Garmin traffic reports are 100% inaccurate. I had a traffic warning on my screen for the entire duration of my trip. The road was even highlighted to indicate a current delay, yet I didn't hit traffic at all during the "delay areas." But, a car explodes and shuts down all lanes bringing traffic to a standstill and I get zero warning. Why does that happen?

Needless to say, our road trip was an adventure. I can only imagine what kind of revelations I'll have on the ride back ...

29 comments:

Running Diva Mom said...

Sounds like a blast!!!! Have a memorable trip home!

Kim said...

This was HILARIOUS. I'm a fairly new reader to your blog and I just love it... although it so far does convince me that kids are 1) a lot of joy and 2) not at all what I want yet. :)

ajh said...

Very funny! I love the I am going to pee my pants comment for safety! And I would not want to be a port a let magnet! That could elicit the need for more bathroom breaks just through the power of suggestion! Enjoy your time before you head back!

Morgan said...

LMAO! Oh girl, I don't know HOW you do it?!?!?! Congrats on making it there with all kids intact!

Michelle said...

Very very funny! Makes me want to cancel the road trip I've got planned with my boys for the end of the summer! LOL!

Colleen said...

Where did you go? Hope it was worth it :)

Ammie said...

Oh, you are SO VERY BRAVE. My husband is going away on business for 5 days and I was contemplating taking my 2 babies (2 & 9mos) on a 3ish hour road trek to visit sister in law upstate. After reading your 6 hour adventure and considering both my kids still are in diapers, I'm safe! Go you! You're a rockstar mom!

Tricia said...

We had a mini road trip yesterday from Orlando to home. Normally the drive takes me 2 hours. Yesterday we had a 2 year old, 4 year old and a 1 year old. Somehow that 2 hour drive turned into a FIVE hour drive. insane.

and miserable

Aimee (I Tri To Be Me) said...

This post is so hilarious! I can totally imagine all of those scenarios if I were to go on a road trip with my 2 boys...which is why we haven't done it yet! :)

Marlene said...

You are a brave woman! Enjoy the time away.

Stephanie said...

So funny! Have a great trip!

The Jogger Blogger said...

Wow-you deserve a medal or something! You will love to tell your girls these stories one day and laugh with them about it!

Nicole Joy said...

LOL you have a gift woman. Well 2 actually-the first is comedic writing and the 2nd is juggling kids like a mommy clown! You're a rockstar. Drive safe.

Nicole Joy said...

LOL you have a gift woman. Well 2 actually-the first is comedic writing and the 2nd is juggling kids like a mommy clown! You're a rockstar. Drive safe.

funderson said...

They don't sleep!? Lord have MERCY

funderson said...

They don't sleep!? Lord have MERCY

Kovas Palubinskas said...

Our oldest won't sleep either, though he's old enough to read, play DS, or watch dvds, so that helps.

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

But with all you learned the trip home will be...easier??? Here's hoping!

(I cracked up over the back carrier while peeing. I thought I was the only one. I have had to nurse baby while peeing because he just wouldn't let go!)

Avery & Hailey said...

Bathroom breaks with daughters under 5...there is nothing fun about that. Nothing. I told my husband yesterday I spend 80% of my time in the bathroom with them.

I never thought of putting my little on in the carrier to prevent her from sticking her hands in the toilet. Good idea!

Blonde Mom Runs said...

As a mom who just drove to Canada (7 hrs) with a 6 year old, 4 year old, and 3 year old-everything you said is right on!!!! The bathroom breaks are the worst. My 6year old is a boy, so he is quite insulted I would make him go in a girls room. ugh. I am having kind thoughts towards benedryl for the drive home-is that wrong?

Blonde Mom Runs said...

As a mom who just drove to Canada (7 hrs) with a 6 year old, 4 year old, and 3 year old-everything you said is right on!!!! The bathroom breaks are the worst. My 6year old is a boy, so he is quite insulted I would make him go in a girls room. ugh. I am having kind thoughts towards benedryl for the drive home-is that wrong?

misszippy said...

Good stuff. You've certainly had your share of pee lately! If it makes you feel any better, my kids have never been able to sleep on long car rides...kills me!

Anabela (Bela) Neves said...

I really didn't need to read this post. We leave in 2 weeks for a huge road trip....Toronto to Florida and I am not looking forward to teh "are we there yet?" and pee stops!

Her Name is Rio said...

You deserve the mom equivalent of Sainthood for this trip! Tough now, but good memories later. Much, much later. :)

Lindsay said...

Haha I love it, it sounds just like my road trips with my kids!!!

Jennifer P said...

Public bathrooms with kids are just begging for good stories. Newt fell in the other day and said That's OK, it's only my pee in there.
Have a good trip back!
And by the way, you look amazing!

racing dawn said...

Man, you learned a lot of things! ;) Road trips are a right of passage for kids... They must feel the torture so they appreciate their parents later in life. I go crazy with my kids on road trips too and I always have to call my mom after and tell her sorry for way back when... :)

Cynthia O'H said...

Oh, they get better - and so do the stories! My boys love to play copycat when it comes to bathrooms; if one goes, the other has to. There is also the "check it out" game when they have to go to the bathroom just to see what kind of toilet there is. And, the list goes on...
Sounds like you had a lot of fun.

Julie said...

Hilarious!! Brave, brave woman you are!