Monday, February 14, 2011

double edged sword ...

I have always been a self-motivator. Usually, all it take for me to tackle everything that's thrown my way, is my desire to do so. I like accomplishments. I want to be able to say I've done this or that. No one else needs to hold me accountable. I will do that myself.

But being a self-motivator is a double edged sword. You see, self-motivators have drive. A lot of drive. In fact, sometimes, too much. And on occasion, being self-motivated can completely backfire.

Take this past week for example. It was a cutback week for me. 46 miles on the schedule (plus three days of P90X and five days of Ab Ripper X.) On Wednesday morning, I was on track. I had run 18 miles, cross-trained once and finished Ab Ripper X twice. Things looked good. Then, as we all know, on Wednesday night, I got a stomach bug. I missed one workout. Then another. But, by Thursday night, I was feeling better and decided to cross-train.

On Friday, I still wasn't feeling 100%, but things were manageable. That night, after the girls were in bed, I ran 6 miles AND cross-trained. I was making up for lost time. Trying to get back on track. I was being sabotaged by my own self-motivation.

Then Saturday came. And I could barely move. Friday night kicked my butt. So much so, that I decided to cut a 10 miler from my weekly schedule. it killed me to do it. It didn't matter that no one would ever know or care about that skipped run. I would. But, I knew wasn't strong enough to run. And I tried to be a logical thinker, which is incredibly hard when you are a runner first ...

With 10 miles already missed, I headed out on Sunday morning to meet G and some of the Posse. We had 12 on the schedule. But I knew from the beginning it was doomed. I wanted to believe that I was ready. And when we started, I really thought that I was. But a series of odd events from my Garmin freaking on me to missed turns to being told over a loud-speaker that (and I quote) "Your outfits are weird," started to lead me to believe otherwise.

(Note: Our outfits were not weird. See? Like I told G, "We're not weird. We're Skittles")

Anyway, by mile 4, I was feeling really "off." I knew we were making a drop-off at mile 6 and I decided to stop. Then I went home and slept for two and a half hours.

Ugh. 16 miles short this week. I have never missed mileage like that. I was so disappointed in myself. I pride myself in my strength and perseverance. And missing a third of my total mileage was a tough pill to swallow.

I know that sounds crazy and that I made the smart decision. But the thing about being Type-A is that you hold yourself to a very high standard. A standard that you probably wouldn't hold others to. I know this. And I know that missing 16 miles of a 700+ mile training plan is NOTHING. I know that it won't make a difference on race day. And I know that it was smarter to miss the runs now, in a cutback week, than during a peak week. But that doesn't make it any easier.

28 comments:

Rachel McPhillips said...

I also beat myself up about that. But it's better to slack off on a couple of runs than injure yourself or make yourself sick. I have a random question.. The tall socks that you wear, are they actual running socks or do you wear thicker socks under them? I bought a pair of tall socks but I think they are too thin and would rub blisters on me during my half marathon.

TNTcoach Ken said...

I want to run in a short sleeved T and shorts................. I'm sure you'll get that 16 miles along the way.

5 Miles 2 Empty said...

Pretty sure it will matter on race day, it WILL MATTER THAT YOU CUT BACK WHEN YOU NEEDED TO. Over-training is a big deal, it's real and it makes a huge negative difference. I'm learning that right now. IT is tough to cut back. Like today I know I should take a rest day and not bike/run AND swim all in one day... BUT my car is going in the shop for the afternoon and I can ride my bike to the pool, then ride it to spin class OR I could RUN to the pool then run to spin...see? Oh the concept of using our legs for transportation?! Weird! Or the final option? Sit on my butt and wait for my car. Hmmm....which will I chose?

Good job listening to your body. It will thank you....

And the outfits are cute? Who had a loud speaker anyway? That to me is weird. =)

bobbi said...

As someone who isn't very self motivated (yet) and requires others to hold herself accountable, I admire and respect you so much.

You are growing as a runner - great job being a logical thinker when your brain was trying to convince you to put in those miles NO MATTER WHAT. Your body will thank you!

fancy nancy said...

Your feelings make complete sense to me! You have drive and I'm certain you will be right back on track this week!

I hope you are feeling well today!!

MCM Mama said...

Good job listening to your body, even if you didn't want to. It will pay off in the long run.

Hope you have an awesome training week this week.

Love and Puppies, Christy said...

I totally feel your pain! You will get back on track and be strong for having listened to your body. You can and WILL do it!

ajh said...

I have a very hard time missing workouts even when it is smart too! I totally get this. I am home sick from work, wondering if I will feel well enough later to get my run in!

Marlene said...

Somehow, even knowing all of those things doesn't make it easier to swallow. I am the same way...

Hope you are feeling better after a bit of extra rest and ready to tackle a new week, hopefully without obstacles.

And, um, the outfits ROCK.

TutuRunner said...

(1) your outfits are awesome
(2) i agree with ken.... i want short sleeves!
(3) it really sucks to have that schedule lookin' at you every morning, and all you can see is what you didn't do. but, the truth is, taking time off now will pay off later (by have you all healed up, and able to put quality miles in) and the best thing to do is just give yourself some time.
(4) again, your outfits are great!

Rene' said...

oh...i so know how you feel. my training schedule is n my fridge. my husband say that I am leaving it there to torture myself and you know what maybe I am. I would suggest taking the break now though, before your next big week. In the end your commitment will shine through!!!

Shells said...

Before I forget, I'm glad you made the healthy-self choice and ditched the 10 miler. It's easy to be overzealous on day 1 back from illness, but sucks to take FOREVER coming back because you want to make up for the missed runs/workouts. More bonus points for stopping mid-run. That's always hardest for me!

Now on to the important part: LOVE the skirts, especially. And the socks. If I saw you on the trail, I would have probably asked if I could run with you.

Cynthia O'H said...

Well, I'm wierd too then! At least, we've got great company!

We all face a setback at one time or another. You have been on such a great track for months that one sideline is bound to upset you. But, like you said, you are self-motivated. Stay focussed, stay calm and carry on.

Runners Fuel said...

I know it's difficult to remove some plans you had (16 miles), but it's for the best and you should be lucky it was only 16 miles and not an entire 2 weeks (or a very long time of being sick). Have a good week!

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

You are WAY too hard on yourself. If you are sick, you need to rest and FULLY recover or the lingering illness could keep you down much longer.. Believe me I ran 18 miles when I could hardly breathe and the cold lasted 3 weeks.. had I just taken a rest day I may have gotten over it fast..

You are doing Amazing..believe that and tell Type-A to take a little rest.. And your outfits are ADORABLE!!!

giraffy said...

1. I got eyeballed H A R D at the hospital for asking if they have a treadmill one night.
2. "You need the rest just as much as you need the workouts." Ahem.
3. Those outfits are NOT weird.
4. Even if they were, they're worn by a pair, which is significantly LESS weird than someone wearing them on a solo run. Not that I would do something like that.

April said...

Your outfits make me happy!!!
Being a type A myself, I totally understand how you are feeling. I also know that your setbacks from last week will make you push harder this week. Come raceday...you are gonna rock!

Rose said...

Your outfits are adorable!

And, as my husband told me Saturday night, always choose health.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

I love the skittle outfits!

You are a runner first and forever. It takes the giving up some runs/miles to stay in the game to see the Masters Divison! Glad to know you are going to be there someday with you good thinking.

Julie @ Hotlegs Runner said...

you are not alone girl! I'm that way too.

love the outfits! =)

Katie said...

this mindset is what i'm struggling right now too. i'm so type A, i can't stand to skip workouts or fall just short of goals. but it sounds like you made a smart decision, albeit a tough one. hope you're starting to feel better today.

AbigailRuns said...

I LOVE THOSE SKIRTS! Great job listening to your body. You won't regret the decision.

Candice @ I Have Run said...

Glad you are feeling better. And that you were smart. I don't run the kind of miles you do, but it still hurts to have to change the plan.

Love the Skittles =)

Colleen said...

You were smart... no matter how hard that might have been! :)

Love the outfits. If you can't look cute, what's the point!

Carly said...

I think you need to be a little nicer to yourself. You deserve the rest when you're ill! I know it's tough to let it go, but trust me, no one thinks any less of you. :-)

Terri said...

Your outfits rock. And Stress + REST = growth. Stress + stress + stress = breakdown, and we see that time and time again. So, good on you for resting!

Beth said...

That happens to me too! I HATE missing workouts/miles and will stress my body beyond belief to "make up" the missing workouts. But my secret is aquajogging, its so easy on your body and you can usually still do it while sick or tired. Its not exactly the same, but I'll count it the same for piece of mind. Hope you feel better soon!

mostlyfitmom said...

Guess that stomach flu was hanging on a little. And your outfits were very cute - not weird at all. WTF?