Tuesday, January 10, 2012

chained to the scale ...

The other day, G, wrote a post on self worth. It was fabulous, and reading it reaffirmed to me that I am not lacking in self worth. 99.9999% of the time, I truly believe I am the sh*t. Yes, like everyone, I have doubts. Doubts about what I can accomplish. Doubts about where I am going. Doubts that I am doing everything I possibly can to be the best me each day. But, rarely do those doubts ever creep to my physical perception of myself.

Truth be told, I am beautiful because I believe I am beautiful and I don't let anyone tell me otherwise. My beauty comes through in my powerful quads and strong shoulders. It can be seen in my eyes and my smile. But usually, I notice it in my freckles and the dimple on my cheek - both which remind me daily of my father.

And do you know what?

I saw all of those things when I weighed 220 pounds.

1999

They've always been there. I did not become beautiful because I lost weight. What losing weight changed about me was my health, not beauty. It doesn't work that way.

2011

But, even though I have, perhaps, an excessive amount of self worth, I am still to some extent tied to the number on the scale. Not because I need to weigh less or even want to, but because I fear that if I don't stay chained to the scale, one day everything I have worked so hard for might not be there anymore.

I fear that I could slip up and gain all the weight back. I think anyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight does. And it's a valid fear. Most people can't or don't maintain their weight loss over the long haul.

I have, with the exception of pregnancies, been maintaining for eight years. And I will do my best to maintain until my last day. But I promise, that no matter what lies ahead, I will still be beautiful. Because I allow myself to believe in my beauty.

33 comments:

gba_gf @ Neurosis of the Stay at Home Marathoner said...

I love that you know you are fabulous.

abbi said...

I definitely have that fear of slipping up. It seems to continue to get more and more firm as each year goes by but it is still there in the back of my mind.

Kortni said...

perhaps your best post ever!

scrosske said...

You are fabulous and an inspiration! :) And...I'm pretty sure you got that dress at Sales Unlimited, correct?!

Erika said...

Thanks for writing this, I have a major fear of going back to the weight I was 10 years ago and i panic. But I know I am so much stronger and better to myself now! Congrats on all you do

Jen said...

Love ... Something about the new year in our blog reflections!

Running Ricig said...

I love your excessive amount of self worth! You are seriously awesome and so is your outlook on life.

bobbi said...

Love! I aspire to believe in myself as much as you believe in you :)

Marlene said...

Well said, sister. I am also terrified of gaining the weight... like, if I close my eyes for too long I will wake up and be fat again.

In my case, I never did think I was beautiful when I was bigger. Now I have a better perspective on things and I can see that there's more to it than the number on the scale or the body fat I am/was carrying around... but when I was overweight, it defined me. That is why I had to change and refuse to go back.

workout mommy said...

ok, this post is beyond awesome and it gave me chills.

Although as someone who was big, got thin, and is big again, it reminds me that I need to dig deep and find my strength and resolve again. I too vowed to never go back and well....sigh.....I've forgotten my own awesome. Thanks for the reminder!

Canuck Mom said...

I agree. It comes with the loss of excessive weight. I lost over 70 pounds and there is always that fear of gaining it back and losing what I worked so hard for. It is not so much that I did not feel beautiful when I was bigger, but it is the fact that I worked hard to become healthier. So I get it completely. You are bada**!! Keep it up!!

MCM Mama said...

Love that you are so confident in yourself.

I think even those of us who've never been really big can be chained to the scale. I've never been more than 15 pounds overweight (except related to pregnancies), yet I constantly fear that if I don't commune with the scale every day, that the small amount of extra weight I'm carrying is going to multiply overnight. Nevermind that I've stayed within a 5 pound range for 4 years now just through normal eating and exercising.

Beth said...

Great post! What kinds of things did your parents do to help foster your high self-esteem? I am raising two little girls and try very hard to make sure they have self confidence!

(Just) Trying is for Little Girls said...

You are beautiful. It makes me smile that the thinner you is carrying a box of donuts. Ironic, hehe.

Laura Boll said...

Love this post. I like that you tied in muscles as beauty (quads, etc) since what our body can do physically is so connected to our self worth. Thanks for sharing!

{will run for margaritas} said...

Love this - and yes, you are beautiful {even though you already know that} - wink :)

Randi S said...

I totally understand. I lost 50 lbs in 2010 and I'm up 5 lbs but I don't want to let it slip bc then 5 lbs becomes 10 lbs, 10 lbs becomes 15 lbs...

Jason said...

This is a great post and here is something you left out.....

You are a HoneyBadger b/c you don't give a sh*t what others think and you just take stuff......in other words you want pink hair you give yourself pink hair and don't worry what might be said about you.

You live YOUR life YOUR way and that is a tremendous trait to have.

Good for you.

Jen Small said...

beautiful post!!
and yes, you are beautiful-every freckled, pink, purple, smiling inch of ya :) Keep being YOU and keep shining!!!

Jen said...

Great post!

Ann ~ Sporty Girl Jewelry said...

Great post. I lost 30 pounds in 2010 and worry every day about gaining it back. It's encouraging to hear that you have successfully maintained for so long! Thank you for being such a good role model for all of us.

Nicole said...

You are so right, your weight doesn't tell you your worth, you do! But at the same time you have to be cognizant of where you are! You were gorgeous in 1999 and you are now too. Great post!

Tasha @Healthy Diva said...

I had that exact some prom dress! Crazy :-)

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

Wonderful reminder. So glad you are now beautiful and healthy and STAYING that way!

If you could just bottle that attitude you would be rich!

The Jesse said...

I love this post! Thank you for the reminder that the number on the scale does not need to define who you are or your self worth!

Pam said...

Your freckles ARE pretty dang awesome. ;)

Megan said...

Awesome! I lost about 10 lbs a little over a year ago. It is a constant journey to keep the weight off. I don't want to revert back into old habits.

ajh said...

Great post.

I am up a bit on my weight and the worst part is clothes not fitting.

mommaof3ontherun said...

Lovely post. I am also a confident beautiful person no matter my weight. I'm working on losing for my health. I feel better when I am not overweight. I appreciate your post a lot!

Cat B. said...

You're a stonger person than I am. Thank you for sharing. So true, but so hard for some of us.

Aimee said...

You ARE beautiful and I love this post! I have always struggled with my body image and although it has gotten better, it is something that is always in the back of my mind. For me, when I am and feel healthy, I feel beautiful and it doesn't matter what that scale says!

a runners' life said...

Very well said. I wish I felt that way more often.

Jessica (Pace of Me) said...

such a great post, t. and i loved g's post the other day, too. you are beautiful - inside and out!