Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 9

This is the ninth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. On Fridays, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold
Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling 
Principle 6: It's Your Life. Take Responsibility
Principle 7: Find Your Strengths and Play to Them
Principle 8: Embrace Failure

Principle 9: Define Your Own Happiness

Take a look at yourself. A good look.

Do you know who you are?
Do you know who you want to be?
Do you know where your strengths lie?
Do you know what makes you happy?
Better yet, are you happy?

I am.

I can say, without a doubt, that I am genuinely happy with myself and my life. And I want the same for you.

My happiness is not a result of my life being perfect.

I have struggles and hardships. But I tackle them and embrace them as an opportunity to change and improve myself in ways I may have never considered.

It's not the result of having or being everything I could ever want.

I have imperfections and hang ups. But I know that they don't define me. Maybe I can eliminate them over time and maybe I can't. Either way, I won't let them defeat me.

And it's not the result of having reached all my goals.

I have successes and failures. But I realize that neither outcome is the end of my story. I'm a work-in-progress and I have so much further to go.

My happiness is not defined by any of those things. Instead, it is defined by my ability to be true to myself, to the people I love and the things I place value in. I define my own happiness.

And you can, too.

Stop worrying about what others expect from you and who they expect you to be.
Stop worrying about what is blocking your path to happiness and find away around it.
Stop worrying about what others will think if you stay true to yourself.
Stop worrying about making everyone else happy and take the time to make yourself happy.

Happiness is contagious. If you're happy, the people around you will aspire to do the same. And if you're happy, you'll be better equipped to help those around you find happiness too.

Don't wait for someone or something to make you happy. Take control of your life and define your own happiness.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 8

This is the eighth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. On Fridays, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold
Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling 
Principle 6: It's Your Life. Take Responsibility
Principle 7: Find Your Strengths and Play to Them

Principle 8: Embrace Failure

I know this might be hard to believe, but I am not perfect.

I make mistakes.
I stumble.
I fail.

Sometimes, things are so catastrophic that I don't know how I am going to pick up the pieces and move on. In those moments, it would be easier to quit, to believe that I'll never be enough, to just stop trying.

But, then I remember that taking the easy way out is just a quick fix. No one ever got to where they wanted to be by following that path. And if you take the easy way out often enough, you'll be left unfulfilled, complacent and questioning why everyone else is so much better off than you are.

So, instead giving up, I dust myself off and try again. Maybe I change my methods or tactics, but I don't let my mistakes and failures define me. I embrace those missteps and use them to push me forward. I don't let them limit me, instead, I trust that what happens in a single moment is not an accurate reflection of who I am as a whole.

I am not my past and I will not let it hold me back.

Unfortunately, some people will. 

As a society, we need to realize that failures are just as important as successes and there is no shame in losing. Learning to overcome hardship is a valuable lesson that will get you a lot further than being number one or meeting all of your goals. Let's face it, there can only be one winner and some days, in fact, most days, it's not going to be you. That doesn't mean there isn't value in all that you do.

An accomplishment is an accomplishment no matter how small. And within every failure, there is something to be learned. You just need to frame it in the proper context.

Embrace failure. Chances are it's the stepping stone to your greatest success.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 7

This is the seventh in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold
Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling 
Principle 6: It's Your Life. Take Responsibility

Principle 7: Find Your Strengths and Play to Them

Think back to your childhood.

Chances are you tried a lot of different things. Different sports, different games, different foods, different ways to "outsmart" your parents and probably a million other things. Over the course of many years and perhaps, sometimes instantly, you learned what you like and what you don't. And thus, those experiences and preferences shaped you into the individual that you are.

Now, think about the reasons behind why you like some things more than others.

With the exception of food preferences (i.e. flavors you like/dislike, not the food choices you make), your preferences are largely determined by how you view yourself in relation to the the activity or experience. Take school, for example. We all attend in one form or another. Yet, not everyone likes school. Now, why is this?

I would wager that the people who enjoyed school, especially as they aged, were the people who enjoyed learning, got the best grades and had a drive for academic excellence. In addition, individuals who experienced social acceptance and/or were not picked on, most likely enjoyed it as well.

However, this is not the case for everyone. What about the people who struggled to pass or were social outcasts? Chances are they hated school. And it makes sense.

Generally speaking, we like the things at which we excel and dislike those at which we struggle.

And there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, you'll be happier for it.

Everyone has something they are good at. And most people have lots of things they are good at.

• Maybe you have a endless drive and determination.
• Maybe you are a natural born leader. 
• Maybe you have the ideal body type to run or swim or whatever.
• Maybe you have a knack for organization. 
• Maybe you are creative and crafty. 
• Maybe you are mechanically inclined. 
• Maybe you have a potential you have yet to discover. 

Regardless of what your natural or learned strengths are they all do the same thing.

They allow you to feel good about yourself. They give you more self worth. And they show you that you have potential to be successful.

And the first step to being successful is believing that you can be successful.

So, try new things.

Challenge yourself.

Find your strengths and play to them. You won't be disappointed.

funk ...

I'm in a funk.

It's absurd. 

I'm a freaking Honey Badger who's in a funk.

And there seems to be nothing I can do to shake it.

It started a few weeks ago and little by little has been consuming me.

Yesterday, I gave in.

Feeling bad and facing mental demons, I started my long run. Two and a half miles later, I couldn't fight the negativity anymore. I stopped the treadmill. Took a shower. And slept for 12 hours.

I woke up feeling even worse.

It was a total fail.
 
I know exactly what's bothering me.

I'm feeling inadequate.

Not only compared to those around me, but compared to my self-imposed expectations.

I feel like I am doing a lot of things decently, but nothing superbly.

And I freaking hate it.

It's hard to be positive all of the time.

It's hard to always be "on."

And it's really hard to admit your weaknesses.

I know mine.

Now I just need to find away to eliminate them.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 6

This is the sixth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold
Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling

Principle 6: It's Your Life. Take Responsibility.

Take a look at yourself.

Is something holding you back? Keeping you from reaching your goals? Stopping you from becoming a better, stronger you? Do you have a reason, better known as an excuse, as to why your life is the way it is? Are there outside forces holding you back? Or maybe circumstances that are out of your control?

Now, be honest.

How many of those barriers are legitimate? How many are honestly out of your control? And how many are really just the result of your inability to take responsibility for your choices, actions and disappointments?

I bet your list just got really short.

Now, I'm not saying that bad things don't happen to good people. Or that some individuals don't face more challenging circumstances than others. That just wouldn't be true.

What I am saying is that some people are better at working with the hand they are dealt. Some people see life's stumbling blocks as an opportunity to challenge themselves and to improve. Others see those same stumbling blocks as a reason to give up. Not because those difficulties are a true barrier, but because they choose to let them be.

You can't let your doubts, fears, weaknesses and excuses get in the way of you being the best version of yourself. If you want to live your dream life, then live it. No one is in control of your life, except for you.

You didn't become overweight because someone else made you.
You didn't adopt an unhealthy lifestyle because someone else made you.
You didn't lose your inner strength because someone else made you.
You didn't get to where you are today because someone else made you.

You are who you are because you chose to be that way. Even if you feel like someone or something else has had a negative effect on your life, you are still responsible for the way you are in this very moment because you chose how you would react to that negativity.

You can choose to be better. You can choose to tackle life's challenges head on. You can be everything you've ever wanted to be. Nothing is going to stop you but yourself.

It's your life. Take responsibility.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 5

This is the fifth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold

Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling.

So often in life, people see things as black and white. A choice is either right or wrong with no room for interpretation. We forget to factor in how individual circumstances play into decision making and how what is right for one person might not be right for another.

Take endurance training, for example.

To be successful when you toe the line, it takes hard work, dedication and endless hours of training. Thus, not everyone chooses to race endurance events. And as someone on the outside, it might be easy to say that a person, who trains hours on end for an event that they are unlikely to win, is selfish. That they are putting their needs before everyone else's. That the people in their lives are the ones who pay the price.

Yes, that would be easy to say. But, would it be entirely true? No. Probably not.

Let's turn the tables.

• Perhaps that individual who is training hours upon hours for that event that they are unlikely to win is doing so to raise money for charity. Would that be selfish?
• Or what if they were doing it to improve their health and well-being, not just for themselves, but for their family as well? Would that be selfish?
• Or maybe they do it to fight the demons in their head. The demons that keep them from being fully present in their everyday lives. The demons that prevent them from being able to support their family like they'd hope to or that keep them from being a good example for their children. Would that be selfish?

Again, probably not.

But, the belief that making time for yourself to pursue your passions is a selfish act holds many people back from reaching their full potential. We need to let go of this misconception. Bettering yourself and doing the things that you love does not make you a selfish person, whether it's endurance training or opera singing or anything in between.

Yes, it takes commitment and dedication to pursue your passions, but it also teaches you (and those in your life) to prioritize and balance your schedule without causing the people around you to suffer. And often, it allows you to come back refreshed and more focused on the other priorities in your life. So, if you are waiting for permission to reach for your dreams or push past your limits, then you have it.

Go. Be the best you possible.

And remember, loving yourself enough to make time for yourself is not selfish. It's self-fulfilling.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 4

This is the fourth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers

Principle 4: Break the Mold

I'm sure that as a child, you were told or shown the "right way" to do things. The "right way" to be. You learned and absorbed what beauty and talent and perfection looked like, even if you didn't realize it.

That's how socialization works. We are immersed in an environment and our experiences, interactions and societal norms shape us each and every day for our entire lives. Thus, humans are ever evolving. As perspectives and attitudes change in your environment, you change as well. It's how you became exactly who you are in this moment.

But, there's a problem with this system - the lack of self control.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is great value in societal norms and environmental conditioning. They help to foster a sense of security, unity and behavioral control in a population of people. They help the world in which we live function in the manner that it does (although, there is room for a large amount of improvement).

But, tell me this. How did you decide what beauty is? Did your parents tell you? Did a picture in a magazine? Or on television? How about strength and self worth? Or what's acceptable for a lady? Or even what is in the realm of possibility for you to accomplish? Who were the people that originated these ideals?

I bet that you have no idea.

Well, if you don't know where the information was coming from or why it was being put out there then why are you blindly following it? You need to take control of how you and your children are being socialized.

• There is no reason that you have to be what others want you to be. 
• There is no reason that you can't define what's beautiful. 
• There is no reason that you have to feel like "less than" because of what others are telling you.
• There is no reason that you can't accomplish anything that you set out to. 
• There is no reason that you can't live your life exactly how you see fit.

Sure, there will be backlash. And yes, some people might not "get" who you are or what you are trying to do with your life. But, last time I checked, it was YOUR LIFE. You can't live it for someone else and you can't let yourself get stuck in the mold that society has crafted for you.

Break the mold. Be the Honey Badger.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 3

This is the third in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self

Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers

Last time I checked, we live in a social world. Everyday, we interact with hundreds, if not thousands, of people, both face-to-face and virtually. And each of these interactions has an effect on how we live our lives. Think about it.

• Maybe you hold yourself back because someone tells you that, "You can't" or "Your idea is stupid."
• Maybe you don't take a chance because you are afraid of what others might think if you fail. 
• Maybe you have always been told that you aren't enough and it paralyzes you completely.

Do you see what all of those scenarios have in common?

NEGATIVITY.

Negativity is contagious. It grabs you by your doubt and sucks you in and if you are surrounded by it for long enough, it can be hard to escape.

If your peers are negative, chances are you will be negative. If your peers are unhealthy, chances are you will be unhealthy. If your peers are stagnant, chances are you will be stagnant too. Over time, we become our peer groups. But, it doesn't have to hold you back. Let me use myself as an example.

As a teen, I was overweight. And so were my friends. We fostered each others negative behaviors. We chose eating out over eating healthy and movie nights over workout sessions. Then, when I decided to make a change, I found myself drifting from those people, maybe intentionally, maybe not. And as I drifted, I formed new connections with people who supported, agreed with or shared my passion for health and fitness. And now, I am surrounded (both virtually and in real life) with individuals who "get me" and what I am trying to do. They understand why I would want to be an Ironman or be a vegetarian, even if they don't aspire to do the same. They understand that my choices are intended to improve the quality of life for me and my whole family. They see the big picture.

Sure, there have been speed bumps along the way. I've encountered people who I thought were there for me, but their negativity was too great to overcome. So, I've left them behind and I'm better for it. It hasn't always been easy, but every struggle has been worth it.

If we are a reflection of the people in our lives, then we need to surround ourselves with people who we can aspire to be like, people who won't belittle our dreams to make themselves feel better, people who will cheer us on and support us regardless of how farfetched our plans may be. Rid yourself of the negativity in your life. It's getting you nowhere.

Long story short, if you want to be a Honey Badger, you need to surround yourself with Honey Badgers.

Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 2

This is the second in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care

Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self.

As children, we are taught multiple life lessons and we observe numerous societal norms. It's almost unavoidable. If you are exposed to other people, and honestly, even if you're not, you will be shaped by the environment around you. Good or bad.

Think back to your childhood. What were some of those early lessons you learned? While we all differ in our upbringing, I would bet that most people would include the following two ideals in their list.

• Treat others as you would like to be treated.
• Don't judge people for being different.

They are good practices to keep and are often the foundation of what society would call a "good person." Personally, I can remember my parents stressing these values when I was young and now, I find myself doing the same thing to my own children. But, there's a problem in the application of these lessons. Too often, people forget to apply them to themselves. Probably, because no one tells them to.

Think about it. It's easy to say to someone, "I don't care that you are X, Y or Z, I still love you." But, can you say that to yourself? Can you look in the mirror and see all the things that make you different and still treat yourself with the respect that you deserve? Or instead, do you rip yourself apart? If you wouldn't want someone else tearing you down for being who you are, then why would you do it to yourself?

The self-hate needs to end. Stop viewing yourself as "less than", and start realizing that you are "enough". Take strength in knowing that someone, somewhere would kill to be exactly who you are. Apply the lessons of your childhood to yourself and not just the people around you.

• Treat yourself as you would like to be treated.
• Don't judge yourself for the things that make you uniquely you.

And perhaps, most importantly, accept yourself. Your whole self. Because if you can't do it, why should anyone else?

live like the honey badger ...

After I wrote my post about beauty and self-worth on Tuesday, I got what may be my all-time favorite comment ...

Initially when I read it, I couldn't stop laughing. All I could think about is this video (if you haven't seen this, take three minutes and watch it. hilarious!)



But, then I realized that Jason was right. I am a honey badger. And I am proud of it.

I don't give a sh*t about what others think of me.
I have enough confidence in myself and my abilities to quiet the naysayers.
I defy expectations and chart my own course.
I don't sweat the small stuff.
I am tough.
I am strong.
I am powerful.
And I raise my pack of little honey badgers to be the same way.

Armed with the realization of my inner animal, I've decided that starting next Friday, I will write a series of posts on the topic I get the most emails and comments about.

Confidence and self-esteem.

Otherwise known as, "How to Live Like the Honey Badger"

I have a list of subjects to cover, but if you have a specific question or idea for this series, please leave me a comment or email me at racingwithbabes (at) yahoo (dot) com.

I know my inner animal. What's yours? Why?

chained to the scale ...

The other day, G, wrote a post on self worth. It was fabulous, and reading it reaffirmed to me that I am not lacking in self worth. 99.9999% of the time, I truly believe I am the sh*t. Yes, like everyone, I have doubts. Doubts about what I can accomplish. Doubts about where I am going. Doubts that I am doing everything I possibly can to be the best me each day. But, rarely do those doubts ever creep to my physical perception of myself.

Truth be told, I am beautiful because I believe I am beautiful and I don't let anyone tell me otherwise. My beauty comes through in my powerful quads and strong shoulders. It can be seen in my eyes and my smile. But usually, I notice it in my freckles and the dimple on my cheek - both which remind me daily of my father.

And do you know what?

I saw all of those things when I weighed 220 pounds.

1999

They've always been there. I did not become beautiful because I lost weight. What losing weight changed about me was my health, not beauty. It doesn't work that way.

2011

But, even though I have, perhaps, an excessive amount of self worth, I am still to some extent tied to the number on the scale. Not because I need to weigh less or even want to, but because I fear that if I don't stay chained to the scale, one day everything I have worked so hard for might not be there anymore.

I fear that I could slip up and gain all the weight back. I think anyone who has lost a considerable amount of weight does. And it's a valid fear. Most people can't or don't maintain their weight loss over the long haul.

I have, with the exception of pregnancies, been maintaining for eight years. And I will do my best to maintain until my last day. But I promise, that no matter what lies ahead, I will still be beautiful. Because I allow myself to believe in my beauty.

love who you are ...

Yesterday afternoon, my mom called and told me how she had been bragging about me. This fact alone is not uncommon. She's a proud mama and is happy to let others know all about the things her children have accomplished.

The thing that struck me what the response she got from the women she was speaking to. She told them about my running, the amazing experiences this blog has afforded me, my coaching business and my 15 minutes of fame in Runner's World.

The women (who are also runners) said, "She sounds exactly like who I want to be."

Hmm? Really? You want to be a middle of the pack runner who squeezes in her workouts between carpool and her three daughters' potty breaks? Or if she's really lucky, at 5 a.m.? Or is it the year-round training without pay or sponsorship that sounds appealing? (Note: I'm totally open to sponsorship. Feel free to email me.)

On most days, when I look at myself, I want to be something better. Something more. I think this is a great way to approach life. It keeps me motivated and driven, moving forward in a sense. But the problem with this outlook is that it is easy to overlook how far I have come, how lucky I have been, and how amazing my life truly is. Getting caught up in what's next can make you miss out on what is.

I won't lie, I often forget to take into account is that today could be the best day I ever have. And honestly, today could be my last. It's important not to forget to to LOVE WHO YOU ARE right now, in this very instant.

And when that seems impossible, just remember that there is someone out there who wishes they were just like you.

Wordless Wednesday: Self Esteem

My philosophy: Found on a tee shirt at Target.

own it ...

I know this may be hard to believe, considering I was featured in a FASHION article in Runner's World, but I am really not into appearances. In fact, the ONLY time I have any sense of style is when I am working out.

Don't believe me? You should. I only have 40 non-workout pieces in my wardrobe (up slightly from the 35, I posted about HERE). And 22 of those pieces are t-shirts and long sleeve shirts that could easily be mistaken as workout gear. Don't get me wrong, glitz and glam is nice and all, but I will choose function and comfort over so-called style any day.

And do you know why?

Because it's me that makes an outfit "cute," not the other way around.

I am confident.

I am proud.

And I own my style, regardless of what others think of it.

It's a lesson I am trying desperately to teach my daughters. I want nothing more for them to value their own self worth. To realize that they are not defined my their clothing or shoes or hairstyle. Beauty lies within. And the only person who can make you feel bad about yourself is you.

That's why when Dizzle told me that she doesn't like my shaved head (it's not girly enough for her), I replied, "That's OK. I do."

I own my style choices. Over the past 15 years, I have had pink, blue, purple and green hair. I've shaved my head more than once. I've pierced my tongue, my nose, my eyebrow and my belly button. I have tattoos. I flaunt what I've got. And I am unashamed about it. Because I know that ...

Confidence is beautiful.
Strength is beautiful.
Pride is beautiful.

Express yourself however you'd like. Then, own it.
Understand that it doesn't matter what's on the outside. Then, own it.
Be who you are, even if that's not what everyone wants you to be. Then, own it.




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