Monday, March 19, 2012

funk ...

I'm in a funk.

It's absurd. 

I'm a freaking Honey Badger who's in a funk.

And there seems to be nothing I can do to shake it.

It started a few weeks ago and little by little has been consuming me.

Yesterday, I gave in.

Feeling bad and facing mental demons, I started my long run. Two and a half miles later, I couldn't fight the negativity anymore. I stopped the treadmill. Took a shower. And slept for 12 hours.

I woke up feeling even worse.

It was a total fail.
 
I know exactly what's bothering me.

I'm feeling inadequate.

Not only compared to those around me, but compared to my self-imposed expectations.

I feel like I am doing a lot of things decently, but nothing superbly.

And I freaking hate it.

It's hard to be positive all of the time.

It's hard to always be "on."

And it's really hard to admit your weaknesses.

I know mine.

Now I just need to find away to eliminate them.

27 comments:

Mamarunsbarefoot said...

You are not in adequate you are human. You have real feelings and real emotions. Sometimes our mental pain and anguish is more than we can physically take and that doesn't mean you failed by stepping off that treadmill. It means you let your mind take a break. Life is not always easy infact most of the time it's not and to think we always have to keep our chin up ALL THE TIME is just too hard. Stare at that thing that is eating you up inside and tell it it can no longer own you and tell you how you will feel. It had it's day. You are an amazing person who inspires so many. A wonderful mother and gifted runner! I pray this Monday is filled with happiness for you.

Marlene said...

I think we all go through these rough patches where we question our abilities... and I think you're right around that spot in the training cycle when it tends to happen most. Peak weeks... race day getting close byt not quite on the home stretch yet. Hang in there and keep fighting!

Mustang said...

Mamarunsbarefoot is genius. And I completely agree with her.

trifitmom said...

your description is very telling. i have felt this way many times. the good part is there is always an end to it. somehow someway we climb out of it.

Erika said...

We definitely all go through this - and you are anything BUT inadequate! Keep your chin up - this is the toughest part, when the training hits its peak and you're just tired. You're almost to your 70.3 and will do AMAZING!! Try to remember to have fun with it :)

M said...

If we never have bad days, we wouldn't recognize or appreciate the good ones. You'll work through it and come out stronger on the other side. It makes us stronger!

Running Ricig said...

I was in a funk a couple weeks ago. The nice weather and the time change seem to have helped.

I know me saying you're not inadequate won't really help, but you also know how freaking awesome you are, so you'll be back at it soon!

Runners Fuel said...

You're not alone. I've felt like this many,many times. I know it's difficult, but it will pass and you will feel so much better. You are a great woman!!

Tortuga_Runner said...

I appreciate your honesty. Your feeling if doing a lot decently, but nothing superbly really resonated with me. The funk will end soon and everything that is wonderful will sparkle again.

SupermomE12 said...

Hugs my friend! I think we all get into funks and have times where stinking doubt creeps in and messes with us. You are MORE than adequate!! Have you have been doing so much that maybe your body and mind just need a little time to rest up and get the fire back. Hang in there! :)

Kerrie T. said...

You'll come through this. Hang in there, friend! Hugs!

Wym said...

You can do this. You can do this. You can do this!

Ann ~ Sporty Girl Jewelry said...

Great advice!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

Sometimes simply giving voice to the fact that you can't be exactly what/how/who you want to be is the best thing you can do. Accepting that it is in the striving for that 100% that we success. Maybe some days we only see 75% but we keep striving towards that 100% not because we think we will always, or frankly ever achieve it but we continue because we know that we can get closer.
You are an inpiration to many. I worry that has added to your burden. The expectations we have of who we see you to be. I'm thankful that you stepped off that treadmill. Your mind/body needed a different kind of exercise. An exercise in patience. Patience to give yourself something different than what you thought (or the plan said) you needed.
Just as you are about to reach new levels of awesomeness, it's probably natural to have a moment of humility.

Cortney Riese said...

Maybe consider accepting what you see as weakness and finding ways to use them to your advantage (or improve them depending on what they are) vs. eliminate them. Sometimes adjusting the mental point helps. Instead of attacking yourself, love yourself. Everyone has their own set of faults, usually they are far more apparent to ourselves than the rest of the world. Think of all the things you do well and play to your strengths.

Running Girl said...

First up, big hugs. You are amazing, & I hope this feeling passes quickly.
Secondly,everything mamarunsbarefoot said - she summed up my feelings extremely well.

Katie said...

I totally agree with Nora. . . . Her comment was perfect. I can totally relate to what you are feeling. Just hang on. . . . You will get through this funk. I think sometimes it is ok to be "off" for a little . . . We cannot always we strong all the time.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I agree. I get into these as well! I think resting, giving your body what it needs, and giving yourself a break! I do this all the time though, so who am I to say anything?!

Tough Chik said...

You also worked your a$$ off this weekend! I think you are a rock star and feeling this way is perfectly normal. Plus you are an AMAZING funny and smart gal and awesome mom. I also think that a little burn out and doubt is perfectly normal this stage in training.
XOXOX

TNTcoach Ken said...

It's not April 1st, so this must be a joke with a good ending.... After reading your post for so long, I should be feeling bad! Woman, you are da BOMB. Now get your butt in gear.

Char said...

We all are there at some point and it doesn't feel good. I've been battling it a lot this year with glandular fever and the limitations placed on me - I've been in a very negative place. The thing that helped was family and friends taking the time to show that they cared and it didn't matter to them what I could or couldn't do because they loved me regardless. Spend time with people you love and who appreciate you for just being you. Do some stuff that pampers you - that enriches your soul. And get lots of hugs. It all helps.

ajh said...

You are awesome and will get through this. It sounds like you are exhausted. One long nap wasn't enough. If you need 3 of them on 3 different days, take them.

Wifey said...

GIRL! I know the feeling. Wish I was there and we could be funky together. Tee hee hee. That was an attempt at a bad joke!

Hang in there. You're such a BAD-ASS. Don't worry. You don't have to be "on" all the time. It'll pass ... in the meantime enjoy the good sleep!

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Jan said...

Hang in there! We all have "funks".

H Love said...

Hang in there! HOORAH!

Alinda said...

Dude! Ever heard of taper madness???? It's normal! You'll feel great after the 70.3. As for the lady bits (your next post) get yourself a better saddle (as hard to fit as good running shoes- my best eneded up being the Ride Like a Girl one) and good cycling shorts with a load of vaseline.

fueledbyspite.com said...

I'm laying on the couch right now feeling the exact same way! I hate it. I know and you know this will pass but any time now is good. Bla. Feel ya