Live Like the Honey Badger: Principle 5

This is the fifth in a series of posts entitled, Live Like the Honey Badger. Every Friday, I address one aspect of developing confidence, self-worth, a fearless nature and the like. Previous weeks are linked below.

Principle 1: Honey Badger Don't Care
Principle 2: Accept Yourself. Your Whole Self
Principle 3: Surround Yourself With Honey Badgers
Principle 4: Break the Mold

Principle 5: It's Not Selfish. It's Self Fulfilling.

So often in life, people see things as black and white. A choice is either right or wrong with no room for interpretation. We forget to factor in how individual circumstances play into decision making and how what is right for one person might not be right for another.

Take endurance training, for example.

To be successful when you toe the line, it takes hard work, dedication and endless hours of training. Thus, not everyone chooses to race endurance events. And as someone on the outside, it might be easy to say that a person, who trains hours on end for an event that they are unlikely to win, is selfish. That they are putting their needs before everyone else's. That the people in their lives are the ones who pay the price.

Yes, that would be easy to say. But, would it be entirely true? No. Probably not.

Let's turn the tables.

• Perhaps that individual who is training hours upon hours for that event that they are unlikely to win is doing so to raise money for charity. Would that be selfish?
• Or what if they were doing it to improve their health and well-being, not just for themselves, but for their family as well? Would that be selfish?
• Or maybe they do it to fight the demons in their head. The demons that keep them from being fully present in their everyday lives. The demons that prevent them from being able to support their family like they'd hope to or that keep them from being a good example for their children. Would that be selfish?

Again, probably not.

But, the belief that making time for yourself to pursue your passions is a selfish act holds many people back from reaching their full potential. We need to let go of this misconception. Bettering yourself and doing the things that you love does not make you a selfish person, whether it's endurance training or opera singing or anything in between.

Yes, it takes commitment and dedication to pursue your passions, but it also teaches you (and those in your life) to prioritize and balance your schedule without causing the people around you to suffer. And often, it allows you to come back refreshed and more focused on the other priorities in your life. So, if you are waiting for permission to reach for your dreams or push past your limits, then you have it.

Go. Be the best you possible.

And remember, loving yourself enough to make time for yourself is not selfish. It's self-fulfilling.

5,013 ...

Four years ago this week, I started running. At the time, I didn't really know what to expect.

I hated to run.
I NEVER finished the timed mile in high school.
I faked illness to get out of any run longer than 800 meters.

But, for some crazy reason, when I was eight months pregnant with Doodle, I set a goal to run a 10K by the end of the year. Yet, by the beginning of August, I still couldn't run a mile without stopping. The possibility of a 10K seemed very slim.

Then, a few of my friends decided to run a 5K as a team. I signed on, figuring I had to bite the bullet if I was ever going to make my goal. And so it began. They all trained together. I trained alone - just in case I failed.

The weeks passed (six to be exact) and on the last Saturday in September, I ran my first 5K. It was the first time I ever ran 3 miles without stopping. It was the most glorious and maybe most painful (aside from childbirth) 31 minutes of my life. I knew I wasn't done with running after that 5K and my goal of a 10K by the end of the year became a half marathon in March. That half marathon never happened though, instead I switched to the full, because I either "Go Big or Go Home."

Now, four years later, I laugh at my stupidity. Who starts training for a marathon only two months after their first 5K? It was a bad idea. I got injured. I was mentally defeated during the race. I kind of wish I had done it differently. But, I can't take it back, I can only adapt how I train now and marvel at how far I have come in the last four years.

Yesterday morning, I ran my 5,013th mile since becoming a runner in 2007. Over those 5,013 miles, I have ...

• made and lost friends.
• found my "running style" (skirts and socks, obviously ...)
• had two running injuries (the same thing both times)
• determined that I am a runner first, logical thinker second.
• run through an entire pregnancy, including a 10K race at 35 weeks and 8 miles two days before delivery.
• completed 4 marathons, cutting my time by 51 minutes.
• completed 11 half marathons, cutting my time by 41 minutes.
• won my division at a four miler.
• placed third in my division at a sprint triathlon, despite not biking or swimming for two year prior to the race.
• I crashed my bike at Muddy Buddy and had a total AC Separation.
  
• convinced J to run his first, second and now third half marathon.
• paced Dizzle in her first 5K, a month before her sixth birthday.
• held hands with Doodle as she crossed the finish line of her first race at age three.
• been featured in Runner's World.
• found my passion.
• become certified as a running coach.
• pushed myself and all the limits I thought I had.
• changed myself both inside and out.

Here's to the next 5,000 miles ...

sharing the love ...

This morning (and the past few Saturdays), I helped out with a 10K training team held each winter by Stroller Strides Richmond. This year, the group is comprised of over 40 women (most if not all, mothers) who are tackling the challenge of running. Some for the first time. Some after a long absence. Some who caught the running bug during our fall 8K training.

Today's run was two and a half miles - a distance that I'm sure some of them thought was impossible just a few short weeks ago. I was assigned to run with the lead group of beginners, which gave me a great opportunity. As the first finisher, I had the chance to go back and run several different women to the finish. With each person I picked up I asked them about their running and how it was going, then proceeded to talk their ear off until we got back to the start. (I really hope this served as a distraction for them and wasn't just super annoying.)

While I was running back each time, all I could think about was the fact that I just LOVE running. And with each person I ran in, I was getting to share this love. To help show them that they can be runners. That something so simple can make you feel so amazing. So accomplished. And that right there is why I am getting certified as a running coach. To inspire and to be inspired.

a rest day realization ...

I'm a planner. I like to know what I am working towards at every possible moment, even if that only means improving who I am today compared to who I was yesterday. It can be stressful at times (since spontaneity doesn't sit well with me), but my methods work for me. And I can honestly say, that if my life stayed exactly how it is right now, that would be OK with me.

I can say this because I am truly happy with who I am and what I have accomplished. I have three beautiful children, a loving husband and very close relationships with my mother and sisters. I have found my passion. I have transformed myself into the person I wanted to be. I am driven and focused. I strive to give my all everyday.

With that said, I don't expect my life to stay as it is. It will evolve. I will evolve. And being 28 for one whole day has given me the time and maturity to ponder my life goals.

Here are my top three:

1. Develop a career that centers around women of all ages and running - I have a multitude of ideas on where I would like this to go and I'm not sure that I have found the one that suits me (or the life I want for my family) best. But I will. And when I have more time to focus on work (read: when I'm spending less time raising children) I will put my plan into action. It might not be this year, or even this decade. But hey, I've got time. I'm only 28.

2. Travel to Australia - This is the one place in the world that I have always wanted to visit (and now I want to run there). J and I are totally on the same page about this one. It's his dream destination as well and we want more than anything to experience it with our children. And we will. When they are old enough to appreciate and remember it.

3. Run a race with my husband, my children, my sisters and my mom - Finishing a race and accomplishing something you didn't think or know that you could is an amazing experience. It's an experience I want to share with the people I love. I want to stand in the starting corral with them and be there as they finish. I want them to understand why I love running so much. (Maybe they will all read this and be motivated to reach this goal with me. Pretty pretty please with cherries on top ...)

So, what do you want to accomplish?

determination ...

"I ran and ran and ran every day, and I acquired this sense of determination, this sense of spirit that I would never give up, no matter what else happened," - Wilma Rudolph

After writing about pushing my ginormous triple stroller on my runs, I got a comment that read, "The things you do to get your runs in are amazing." It really got me thinking. I think the things I do to get my runs in are just the things that NEED to be done to get my runs in. Nothing amazing (although, I do LOVE complements). For me, they have become commonplace. Running is not a choice. It is a crucial part of my life. 5 runs a week, sometimes more, NEVER EVER less. Missing a run is not an option.

Now, I know that skipping a workout or cutting a run short isn't the end of the world. It's not going to make a lick of difference on race day, just like finishing every last mile on my training plan isn't going to get me a BQ. But I have made a commitment to myself. A commitment to be the best me every single day. On every single run. So, if that means pushing a 140+ pound stroller, exchanging sleeping in for early morning long runs or logging 22 miles on the treadmill, well then that's what has to get done.

It's just about determination. The determination to always strive to be better than you were yesterday. The determination to show your children that you can get pure joy out of something, even if you NEVER walk away as the champion. The determination to prove everyone who has ever doubted you wrong, even if that means proving yourself wrong as well. And although, it may not be the reason I started running, it is without a doubt this determination that keeps me running.

I may never run a five minute mile. Or log 70 miles a week. I'm not going to win a race or even beat all of my friends. But none of that matters. Running is my passion. A passion I want to share with others. It is more than just a hobby. It is a force that has forever changed my life. Running has allowed me to be the best mom and wife and me that I can possibly be. It's not a chore. Or a job (because I am WAY TOO SLOW for that). Or even a requirement. It is just the simple act of placing one foot in front of the other. A simple act that helps define me ...