Tuesday, February 12, 2008

It hasn't always been this way ...

Every once in a while, I have one of those days where you question who you have become. Today has been one of those days. As I changed my third poop-filled diaper and wiped a runny nose with my bare hand (neither of which were my own), I thought, "When did I become so comfortable with bodily fluids that I really found it ok to wipe someone else's nose without a tissue?"

There was a time that the mere thought of all those germs crawling on my hands would have made me cringe in disgust, but today I simply wiped and continued to go on with what I was doing without giving it a second thought. Some people say that you lose the ability to care about those things after you have a child. Spit-up and poop become facinating topics of conversation and a handful of runny snot is nothing more than a minor blip on the radar. For me, I lost my concern for germs (and "normal" conversations) when I had my second. Once Doodle arrived, I couldn't worry about those things anymore. Why bother? Just think about it. My other daughter, Dizzle, was just about two when Doodle was born. How can you stop a two year old (even the most well-behaved) from touching their baby sister with dirty toddler hands? You can't. It is beyond impossible. And maybe it's just me, but really, is it that important? I figure there are bigger things to worry about, like making sure that your toddler doesn't knock out your infant with a quick jab when you're not looking. Trust me this can happen! But let me back up a bit, this rant was meant to be more of an introduction than a digression into sibling relationships.

My point was that at some point I lost the person I thought I was and this new and better person has emerged. The things that were once important to me (mainly me), have been replaced by new, more selfless things (mainly my kids and wonderful husband). And surprisingly, I am extremely happy about this. Now don't get me wrong, I still LOVE myself. Who doesn't? But now putting my family first makes me feel like a better me. That and running (more on that another time). In those moments that I am thriving (or surviving) as a wife, a mom, and a runner are the best. As draining as those tasks can be, they are equally invigorating. Everyday that I mother makes me want to be a better mom and everyday I run makes me want to be a better runner. Crazy, when you think that just six or seven years ago, children and running anywhere (except maybe to the fridge), weren't even on my radar.

Like I said, it hasn't always been this way.

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