Four years ago today, you were born and you changed my world forever.
And every year since, I have written you a letter on your birthday. Maybe you'll never read a single one of them. Maybe you'll read them all. I'm not really sure. It doesn't really matter. Honestly, I think that I might be writing them more for me than for you.
Because, I know that years from now, I won't remember all of the little things you do. I know that the years will mesh together and the memories will fade. But these letters will be a snapshot of who you are at this exact moment in time. And they will represent exactly how much I love you.
Doodle, you are, by far, my most challenging child. Just two nights ago, you screamed at me and told me that you didn't love me. It broke my heart, even though I know you didn't mean it. In the past, I would have just yelled back, but instead I cried. And you cried too, knowing that you had hurt me. And I love you for that.
With each day that passes, I am learning more about you. I now know that your temper is not out of anger, but rather fear and passion. You are so incredibly focused on and intertwined with what you do and love. And when you feel threatened, even if it is unwarranted, you immediately become defensive. And I love you for that.
You force me to be creative. To find new ways to parent. You test my patience and make me stronger. You show me, through your expressiveness, that I too need to let my emotions out, good or bad. And I love you for that.
Doodle, I love every piece of your being. I love your striking blue eyes and your curly blond hair. I love that when I look at you, I can see my smile. I love that when you are trying to be sneaky, you always say, "Um, we're just talking about snow." I love that my favorite moments with you are when we do things as simple as snuggling on the couch or jamming out to Train's Soul Sister in the car. I love that we are so alike, yet so different. You give me more reasons to love you than I could ever list. And I love you for that.
So, today, 1,461 days after you changed my life forever, I wish you a happy 4th birthday Doodle. I love you a hundred million and twenty.