Tuesday, March 22, 2011

confidence ...

I think it is interesting how others see me. Recently, I have been told that I am intimidating, brave, stoic, determined and driven. And I have, on occasion, been told that I'm the type of person who you don’t like because I have it so together and at the same time you wish I was your best friend. Interesting. Perhaps, that explains my lack of friends.

I won't lie, all of those words describe me to some extent. But, I think above all, I am confident. And at times, confidence can be misconstrued as other things, often traits with a negative component to them. Unfortunate, but true.

In our household, there isn't a shortage of self-confidence. My girls think they are the sh*t.

Need proof? Well, just last week, I told Dilly that she was very pretty. Instead of saying thank you, she replied, "Not you. Only Dilly. Dilly beautiful."

See? That is a typical statement from my children. They will tell you are the best and that no one can top them. At anything. And I tend to agree with them. I will admit that, at times, we border on arrogance. I am not ashamed of this.

The thing is, I believe that confidence is the most important trait you can pass on to your children, especially daughters. Confidence will take you far. It will give you the drive to reach your dreams. It will push you past your limits. Confidence will keep you from settling for less than you are worth and show people that you have value. If you can't be confident in yourself, then no one else is going to have confidence in you either. And if you want to reach your full potential, you need have confidence that you can.

I AM CONFIDENT. Are you?

35 comments:

Bethany + Ryan said...

I think this is great! I am definitely confident and because of that I excelled in areas where others haven't. I think it's a great thing. And if it goes too far, it's easier to tone down than it is to tone up if there isn't enough. I think loving yourself and thinking you are the shit is a good thing, and thinking you are pretty is good too. I totally relate to your first paragraph and I kind of have a lack of friends too, maybe that's why. I have tons of friends but no 1 best friend (aside form Ryan) and no group of close girlfriends. I think you are spot on with your last paragraph too. We could be real-life friends if we lived closer! lol

Michelle said...

Confidence is an awesome thing to have... but is there such thing as being too confident to the point where it becomes arrogance? I'm not quite sure about that answer. I hate it when people think I am "too" confident about a particular race I am going to run and then I feel like I have something to prove. I guess it goes with that Eleanor Roosevelt quote about how no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Kurt @ Becoming An Ironman said...

I work with girls all week (girl scouts) and I see such a range of confidence; from girls who don't want to do crafts because they're too self-conscious to girls who I literally cannot seem to reign in. There is certainly a point of overstepping confidence, but I agree that it is extremely helpful to give them confidence at a young age.

I wish my parents had. I had to build it all by myself!

Mile Posts by Dorothy Beal said...

Loved this post :)

Beth said...

I love this! Your daughters are going to grow up with strength and self confidence that will take them far!! You are an excellent role model!

Jogging with Fiction said...

I'm pretty confident (bordering on arrogant too sometimes...) and I think you're right. It's incredibly important to pass that along to your daughters! You're awesome!

Rachel McPhillips said...

Great post! You are totally right! I am working on becoming more confident. Running is totally helping me become more confident.

Carly said...

I feel that I'm confident and that confidence is a good thing most of the time. But I've also had people take it the wrong way and I sometimes wonder how it affect my relationships with people.

amy said...

Confidence that manifests naturally is always amazing and important. Sure, you have to work at it, but you do that through confidence building exercises, experiences, etc. Congrats on having that and passing it on to your girls!

I've also found that people compensate for lack of confidence (and what others might think about that) by forcing it, which often is what gets perceived as arrogance/over-confidence. Similarly, those who get annoyed by confident people often are coming from a place of their own lack of confidence. Really, if people would just focus on themselves and let confidence be the individual, self-created thing that it is, we'd all be effing awesome :)

Holly said...

I am definitely confident, and like to tell people about a fantastic run! While I am still figuring out how fast I can actually run I'm proud of myself for what I CAN do. My girls know they are the bomb also, and are like your girls. People that don't have confidence are the ones that take others confidence as arrogance. Be who you are and don't let others guide your actions!

Katie said...

I'm working on it! Lack of confidence has held me back in the past, BIG TIME. I've come along way, but I've got a ways to go. I think blogging has actually helped my confidence a lot :D In the "wow, people actually want to read what I have to say" way and in that I am setting goals and consistently reaching them.
I do think it is sad that confidence (especially in girls) is often discouraged and seen as arrogant or full of oneself.

Mamarunsbarefoot said...

You're awesome! Good for you raising girls like that! Me? Uh no I've about zero confidence. I can talk like I do but deep down inside it's not there.

(Just) Trying is for Little Girls said...

I must admit, in Tacoma, you were more "real" and approachable than I expected. I think it was the mud pie that broke the ice.

Then again, I really did have stars in my eyes to meet all of my imaginary friends.

Yes, we need to give our daughters confidence. We don't want them to settle, I agree.

Marlene said...

This is something I am only recently learning in my adulthood... a little confidence will go a long way. I think it's an extremely important quality/value to pass on to your little girls.

Dilly is hysterical!!

danny said...

"Future, difficult to see, cloudy, always changing," from my favorite green puppet.

Ya never know what is going to influence people the most, or who is really going to take to heart one trait or another. Confidence ain't bad though.

Runners Fuel said...

confidence is super importatnt. be proud of you, and your girls (I know you are)!

Lisa said...

Couldn't agree with you more T. My parents instilled in us a "can do" attitude which left us believing we could succeed in anything as long as we worked hard at it. Fix a car? Sure. Program a computer? Why not. Move everything in an apartment a state away without professional movers? Many times. I've had too many friends who just thought that they couldn't do it for themselves. But it gave me the confidence to follow my own dreams and desires, without waiting for anyone else to help me out. Just be sure to teach them its ok to ask for help!

Emily said...

agreed! from coaching girls on the run, I can absolutely agree that self-confidence is hugely important for young girls to have. I love that you are so confident and instilling that quality in your girls!

Katie said...

I love that your girls feel this way. we need more mamas like you, teaching their babies to be strong and proud.

Teamarcia said...

I love confidence. I love that my girls are confident. But there's a line between confidence because you've done the work and hot air.
People will believe one is great because they say they are for only so long. I am also teaching this to my kids.

5 Miles 2 Empty said...

So true!! I can't tell you how many kids I work with, as a child therapist, that lack self-esteem and confidence. It is heart breaking! sometime all I focus on for a few weeks is building confidence, even in small tasks.

Stephanie Nichole said...

Confidence is a beautiful thing and Dilly IS the sh*t just from that comment! hehe Keep up the confidence... it will show in your running!
-Stephanie

Kerrie T. said...

GREAT post! While I am not as confident as you (and many other awesome people I know), I am coming around. Running has definitely helped.

SupermomE12 said...

Don't ever let anyone make you feel badly about being self confident! You have every reason to be and I think the world would be a better place if more people had the confidence that you and beautiful Dilly have! :)

I struggled with self confidence for a long time (likely because of growing up with an abusive mother) but have made a lot of progress in that area the last few years. I think running has REALLY helped me in the area of self confidence. I have worked hard and seen great results and believe in myself as a runner. Great post!

Running Girl said...

Just found your blog & love it. I think teaching your children confidence is the best gift you can give them!

Katie A. said...

Just getting all caught up!
First off, confidence is the most amazing gift you can give your girls. I know my parents instilled it in me, and I thank them for it. And I don't think your confidence is arrogance - I think it's something to be proud of. And don't worry about the lack of friends - I think you have plenty, and the others can just f-off! LOL!
You are more than prepared for Sunday and I cannot wait to cheer you on from here! I will be stalking your bib number the whole day ;)

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

I love this part most, "... I will admit that, at times, we border on arrogance. I am not ashamed of this."

Just yesterday my BIL asked me if I was really running another race in a couple of weeks. I explained that I probably was if I could get the support all ironed out. To which he asked if I thought my "body was going to break down." He questioned the limits to which you can push yourself without breaking (given my streak and relatively close races).
I think my response bordered on arrogance when I explained that my body was given to me to use, to push, to encourage and inspire with. Not to live cautiously to lengthen the number of my days. While I do a lot of things to lengthen my life, sitting on my butt is not one of them. It almost saddened me that he felt what I am doing (which is little compared to many) was abnormal. I am glad that my nephew and my kids heard our conversation. Maybe it's a seed planted in their little minds for the day someone tells them they are trying to do
things that they can't.

Emz said...

confidence is the most important trait you can pass on to your children . . . .

could
not
agree
more!

Jusbeth said...

Go Tonia! Count me in the admirers column. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

Wifey said...

AMEN! Awesome post. Oh, and bad-asses have every right to be confident!

Winks & Smiles,
Wifey

Jennifer P said...

I work at it. I appear confident but I am not. On the days that I run I feel much better about myself. Great post, thank you.

mostlyfitmom said...

Maybe you could send a little confidence my way, because, let me tell you, dental school is a confidence- and soul-sucker.

And I think it's arrogance only if you can't back it up with action.

Julie D. said...

heck ya! Just thinking about that in regards to my daughter. praying confidence takes her a long, long way.

Beth said...

YES! Confidence is soooo important for girls! Way to go!

Jessica (The Pace of Me) said...

Such an awesome post Tonia!! I could not agree with you more!!