Tuesday, March 15, 2011

one, two, three, four ...

Dear Doodle,

Four years ago today, you were born and you changed my world forever.

And every year since, I have written you a letter on your birthday. Maybe you'll never read a single one of them. Maybe you'll read them all. I'm not really sure. It doesn't really matter. Honestly, I think that I might be writing them more for me than for you.

Because, I know that years from now, I won't remember all of the little things you do. I know that the years will mesh together and the memories will fade. But these letters will be a snapshot of who you are at this exact moment in time. And they will represent exactly how much I love you.

Doodle, you are, by far, my most challenging child. Just two nights ago, you screamed at me and told me that you didn't love me. It broke my heart, even though I know you didn't mean it. In the past, I would have just yelled back, but instead I cried. And you cried too, knowing that you had hurt me. And I love you for that.

With each day that passes, I am learning more about you. I now know that your temper is not out of anger, but rather fear and passion. You are so incredibly focused on and intertwined with what you do and love. And when you feel threatened, even if it is unwarranted, you immediately become defensive. And I love you for that.

You force me to be creative. To find new ways to parent. You test my patience and make me stronger. You show me, through your expressiveness, that I too need to let my emotions out, good or bad. And I love you for that.

Doodle, I love every piece of your being. I love your striking blue eyes and your curly blond hair. I love that when I look at you, I can see my smile. I love that when you are trying to be sneaky, you always say, "Um, we're just talking about snow." I love that my favorite moments with you are when we do things as simple as snuggling on the couch or jamming out to Train's Soul Sister in the car. I love that we are so alike, yet so different. You give me more reasons to love you than I could ever list. And I love you for that.

So, today, 1,461 days after you changed my life forever, I wish you a happy 4th birthday Doodle. I love you a hundred million and twenty.


xoxo,
Mommy

33 comments:

Rene' said...

okay, crying right now! I have one just like her with very blue eyes and blonde hair, except she is a he.....while he pushes me the farthest, tells me he doesn't love me, he probably loves me most of all! Have a good day celebrating. xoxoxoxo!

Holly said...

Happy Birthday Doodle!! My oldest will be 4 tomorrow!! We STILL have to wrap her presents tonight!!

kat said...

A beautiful and touching post,thanks for sharing.

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

Ohh how cute! Happy Birthday little Doodle!

Jogging with Fiction said...

so sweet! Happy birthday Doodle!

fancy nancy said...

Definitely crying! This is such a precious idea and one that I'm sure she will treasure down the road. A letter from Mommy never gets old...it only gains value each passing year!

Cat B. said...

Now I'm crying...

Run with Jess said...

Awwww - birthdays are just as special for mommies as they are for the kids! Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day. PS - She's a dollie!

Rachel McPhillips said...

Aww.. She is so adorable and I can definitely see your smile! What a sweet letter- I love my letters to my girls.

Mamarunsbarefoot said...

What a beautiful thing you're doing for her! Those letters! That just stole my heart! I wish I had thought of that years ago. Amazing mom you are!

Hannah said...

Happy Birthday to your darling middle daughter!

Rae said...

Happy Birthday to Doodle!

Kirstie said...

Awww what a sweet post!

Love and Puppies, Christy said...

Can you preface blogs like this with "If you are 8months pregnant and in the office, you might want to wait until later to read this"? Because I'm crying. And I work in a cube farm.

longlegsontheloose.com said...

I love how much you completely capture your girls in these letters! Kenz is such a goregous genuine little girl (as all your girls are). I hope she truly loves all her strengths and quirks (and her freaking strong little body!)! and looking at that last picture...WHERE DOES THAT VOICE COME FROM??? Happy B-Day Kenz!

Pam said...

Awwwwww... this made me tear up too.

That's a really cool idea to write letters to your kids like this.

Kurt @ Becoming An Ironman said...

Happy Birthday Doodle!!

And a great post as well!

One Crazy Penguin said...

I've loved all of your letters before, but this one tops them all. Brought tears to my eyes. Happy birthday to your little one!

Laurie said...

So sweet, what a nice letter to write. Happy Birthday to your little one! Way to go you!

Marlene said...

This post/letter made me all teary! She sounds like quite a kid - and you are quite a mom! She will love reading these one day.

Deanna@MilesToRun said...

Love when you say, "You force me to be creative. To find new ways to parent. You test my patience and make me stronger."

You are a great mom!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

Your letters to Doddle will means so much to her one day. She will eventually know them to be the best gift you ever gave her!

giraffy said...

Heh. #2's are always the most challenging.
Happy birthday, Doodle!

Deb said...

Happy Birthday Doodle!

Katie said...

aww! happy birthday!

SupermomE12 said...

I love newborn pics! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Doodle! Enjoy your special day with your awesome mom. :)

CupCake said...

Happy Birthday to your daughter!

Terri said...

Great post, and a Happy Birthday to your little one!

MomRunningFromCancer said...

Beautiful - simply beautiful!

Danielle said...

LOVE this. Happy Birthday Doodle!

MCM Mama said...

Happy birthday Doodle! Hope you all had an awesome day.

Lesley @ racingitoff.com said...

Happy birthday, Doodle!!!

Love the idea of writing them a note on their birthday.

5 Miles 2 Empty said...

So completely adorable! I love her for being your kiddo!! =) Lucky lucky kids you have! =)