Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Open Letter to my Offspring ...

Dear Offspring,

I truly appreciate having you in my life. I love the three of you more than you will ever know. I want nothing more than to provide for you, nurture you and to watch you flourish. Because I love you so immensely, I would do anything (within reason) for you and I am certain that I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

With that said, recent events have lead to the development of some grievances that I need to get off my chest. Please take this letter as a formal complaint and do your best to rectify the situation.
  • I do my best not to let my training schedule interfere with "family time." I train before you are awake and after you go to sleep, so I would appreciate it if you could sleep past 3:15 a.m. on the ONE DAY all week that I actually get to sleep until 6:30.
  • I do not appreciate having to change the sheets on the same bed, three days in a row. Get your $h*t together. Literally.
  • It is not my job to make sure that you poop. We all control our own bodily functions. But trust me, if you can't remember when the last time you pooped was, you have a problem. Ask for some help. Or some laxative.
  • Did you all forget that my shoulder is jacked up? Well, it is. I can't do things as quickly as you might like and I can't do some things at all. Deal with it.
  • Sitting correctly on your chair is not optional. I've taken your chairs away before and I will do it again. I swear to God that if you fall off your chair one more time, I'm throwing it away and I'm not giving you an ice pack.
  • Yelling at me is never acceptable. I don't care if I yelled first. I am your mother. You can yell at your own kids.
  • Just because you ate your dinner does not mean that you get dessert. Stop asking. If I feel like you haven't eaten a ton of crap that day, I might offer you some. Otherwise, don't ask.
  • If you continue to choose to hit your sisters, expect that you will get hit back. Don't come crying to me saying that you got hurt. It's not my fault and honestly, I don't want to hear about it. You know it's wrong to hit, so if you decide to go that route, you're only getting what you deserve.
  • I heard you the first time. You don't need to repeat yourself.
Once again, I would appreciate a quick remedy of these behaviors. As I said before, I haven't slept much recently, so I may be slightly sensitive at this moment. But, I love you and I know you can address these issues before I go completely insane.

Love,
Mom

25 comments:

Rachel McPhillips said...

Amen. I, too, woke to crappy sheet this morning, but not in my own bed... And the hitting? I thought boys just did that.

Running Ricig said...

Oh man! Sounds like a rough time over there!!

Erica said...

Amen........we live in the same house!

Kortni said...

Oh, how I can relate to some many of these. Hoping for a better day for you and your girls!

Karen said...

Well said!

Run with Jess said...

Are our kids carbon-copies? Laughed my head off with this post! Thank you!

Jessica (The Pace of Me) said...

Oh my gosh, I need to give this a try - writing a letter like this to my kids would seriously help me with venting my frustrations (many of which are the same as the ones you mention here). Hope today is a better day for all of us!!

Tri-Living...Together said...

Wow.. so can relate!!!!!!!!!!

Katie said...

LOL!! I can so relate to the comment on hitting and the dessert! My kids think they are owed a dessert f they eat all their dinner!

bobbi said...

YES. I could have written nearly EVERY word of this....

Pam said...

I hope to God I don't have kids because if I do, if any form of Karma really does exist, I am going to have HELL TO PAY for laughing so hard at all you guys' kid stories.

Mustang Sally said...

this could be my most favorite EVER blog post....EVER...Laughing my A$$ off......

Caroline said...

you will hate me for saying this...
but thank you it made me feel a lot better.

it is world war 124 here.
my boys are 5 1/2 and 7 and they fight about EVERYTHING. I mean the air that they breath we are down to that. I am counting the days until school starts again and I am saved!

I am like you on the yelling and on the desser and on the endless repeats of demands...
I am allergic to it all.

hang in there dear
YOU
ARE
NOT
ALONE.

Caroline said...

THE HITTING
I forgot
we have that too
the younger one has had it with the older one always bossing him so now he hits him...on the nose!
and I dont punish him because well.I would do the same!
I have told Will..you will get it one day and I will not take your side. the day has arrived.
I say if there is no blood
I dont want to hear about it.

I know mean mommy

Haley @ Climb Run Lift Mom said...

hehe. *hugs* hope they rectify the situation soon :)

Alili said...

heehee, right there with you and I only have 1 little monster in the house!

giraffy said...

Haaahahahahaaaa.

Gabby's new thing:
Mom. Mom. Mom. MOM. MOM. MOM? MOM!

Me: WHAT?!

Gabby: Nevermind.

*thunk* *thunk* *thunk* *thunk* *thunk*

Chelsea said...

Ok, the hitting your sister point is funny. I would always 'sit' on my sister, then time the arrival of my parents into the room with getting off of her and her smacking me.

DEVIOUS, I know.

Holly said...

LOVE THIS!!!! I fortunately don't deal with the poop in the bed but the rest it true!! Just remember that when they have kids they will eget what they deserve ;-P

Kristi said...

Amen. There must be some sort of daily email they all get, telling them what to do to their parents.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

LBM needs his chair taken too. I'm going to remember that one!

Why do they HAVE to keep repeating themselves all the time? They all do it! It must be programmed into them at birth.

I hope (for the girl's sake) things settle down at your house soon.

Blonde Mom Runs said...

Oh man, this is so my kids lately. And I am doing the single parents thing, and I am DONE. I am tired, and sick of repeating myself.
Thanks for the laugh T. It always helps to know we are not alone.

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

I finally got to catch up on blogs today. Five year old is in a time out in her room for not listening today. We need year round schooling here.

ashley said...

Completely unrelated to this post BUT I got my Runners World magazine and I saw you in it!!

Lesley @ racingitoff.com said...

Your kids must secretly know my kids! I think I could've written 90% of these.

On the bed thing... Paige's bed has mattress pad, then sheet, then mattress pad, then sheet... that way at least if there's an accident in the middle of the night, I can just rip off the top layer and the bed is already made for her to get back to sleep.