Tuesday, April 19, 2011

overstressed ...

I am the type of person that works best with a plan (obviously, I have every workout from now until November scheduled already). Spontaneity has never been my strong suit. In fact, it kind of scares me. I like structure and order. And I truly believe that with the right strategy, any task, no matter how daunting, can be accomplished.

For as long as I can remember, I have tackled my life in this manner. Things tend to be black and white for me. You are either moving forward. Or you're not. And right now, I'm not. Right now, I'm standing still. Waiting. Waiting for something that is completely out of my control. Something that will ultimately reshape my family's future for the better. But, the wait is driving me insane.

Honestly, I'm really not handling the stress well.

I am moody and short-tempered.
I am distracted and preoccupied.
I am unfocused and erratic.
I am anxious and excited.
I have a constant case of "the butterflies."

Maybe I put on a good show, but I'm not sure that's the case. And unfortunately, I think J and the kids are taking the brunt of my bad mood, which makes me feel horrible. Maybe if I scream, I'll feel better. I mean, it couldn't hurt, right?

27 comments:

Jogging with Fiction said...

screaming could work

Wells L said...

My heart hurts that you are feeling so stressed!!! It kind of sounds like things will work out with time from what you wrote. Use the blog and your runs to help you get through the rough time. You can YELL through your blog - your followers have big shoulders and I'm sure we're all willing to be here for you to lean on. So yell and lean . . . surely the 699 of us can take it!! Hang in there, girl!!! Will be thinking of you and your family!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

This MUST be BIG to shake you. You are one of the most structured solid people I know. I pray that it is a positive something and that your wait is a short one.

You have a wealth of friends to vent to if needed. It's nice to know you are human too. ;-)

sokkamum said...

Are you sure we weren't divided in half at birth or something? :) I kid, but I completely understand. I am the same way.

Hope the result makes the waiting worthwhile. Scream if you must in the meantime.

Rene' said...

go for the screaming and running and eating right. Husbands and kids are resilient, they can take bad moods. It all ebbs and flows. I know that you will make it through:)

Julia said...

totally related to this post. I feel so stressed lately and it is like I experience every mood or emotion possible in one day.

Thinking of you as you work your way through this time! I definitely think a good loud scream could work...or punching a pillow? Or frozen yogurt has been my friend the majority of most days lately. haha! hope today is a tiny bit better :)

Marlene said...

Will I hope all of this amounts to something great... and that the waiting is over soon!

5 Miles 2 Empty said...

My life is the polar opposite of yourself....nothing is planned, all is unknown. =/

Maybe if you try, just this once to look at it like Christmas, like a surprise, it could help?? It is never easy when such things are unknown and you feel so off...but really, some things are just out of our control. Sending you some calming vibes, and a vodka tonic. No? Ok......Good luck!!!

Pam said...

I hope your happy ending comes sooner rather than later! I'm excited and I don't even know what it is!

My first thought was that you are pregnant. I've heard (and witnessed first-hand) that there is a direct hardwire from the umbilical cord to the part of the brain that controls memory...

bobbie said...

I believe Tom Petty said it best "The Waiting is THE HARDEST part!" Hope its all over soon!! Wish I could be more on schedule:/

Jen said...

I have been praying for you. I KNOW this isn't easy. Scream, run, p90x it.... avoid junk food. If you cannot control it, you might as well focus on something else. Oh, I know... how to make me a faster marathoner. And I will even pay you! :-)

Laura said...

oh man...I hear you. I plan everything and have had to deal with a lot of 'other' stuff that has not been easy. I just dealt with one day, one half day at at time. Not fancy, but what I had to do.

Katie said...

I am the same way! And I do not handle the unknown and the stress of it well either! I hope that it all gets resolved soon!

CupCake@ Bigger Girls Can Run Too said...

Sometimes a loud scream does help. Couldn't hurt, right? I usually find that when running or working out doesn't help relieve the stress, then a scream and some angry music do the trick. I let myself be upset, etc for a good 30minutes straight and then I say "Ok, now it's time to get happy again". I put on some fun music and dance around.

If that doesn't work, there's always the bottle of wine with a crazy straw plan. Hope everything works out!

giraffy said...

I hate waiting, too. It's the worst.

Screaming helps.

Running helps.

Screaming while running really helps.

I'M Tri-ing said...

These few words get me through the tough times; Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the courage to change the things I can.

Penny said...

Sorry you are having so much stress. Hang in there hopefully it will be over soon. I like to have things structured to.

Samantha said...

Run it out, lady.

Sorry you're so stressed :(

momof3 said...

I'm here to hear you scream. You just let 'er rip.

Aimee said...

I'm sorry you're so stressed! I agree with the others though...scream and run it out!! I hope things work out for you...with whatever it is that's causing the stress!

Bethany + Ryan said...

:-( sorry you are feeling so stressed out! Hopefully everything will work out and your stress levels will start to come down. congrats on almost being at 700 followers!!

Hannah said...

Nothing but giant hugs from me. I get the same way, so sympathy is all I've got. Here's to moving forward again, very soon.

Kerrie T. said...

Well you know me. I hate waiting for stuff. I totally get it.

S Club Mama said...

a good cry usually helps me :) perhaps something special (like a spa treatment or pedicure) if you can afford it. Otherwise, ice cream (or I scream) helps, too. :)

MCM Mama said...

Hang in there! My personality couldn't be more different ;o) and I'd be losing it while waiting too. Fingers crossed it all gets figured out soon.

Tortuga_Runner said...

I know the feeling. Unfortunately, I feel like this a lot. Breathe. Focus on planned minutes/hours instead of days and months. You regain control while you wait for what you're waiting for.

Stefanie D. said...

Scream in to a pillow! Then punch it a few times while your at it. Get it all out. :) I hope you are able to destress! And I hope whatever you are waiting/hoping for works out!