Dear Doodle,
I do not know what's going on with you lately. You've always been "heated", but these fits of yelling and aggression are NOT OK with me. They are draining and taxing and test my limits and I've had enough. I freaking surrender. You win.
Except, I'm not sure what you've won, because I can't figure out what the heck you're so worked up about anyway.
All I know is that your behavior is soul crushing. It breaks me and makes me want to walk away. Or yell. Or cry. And honestly, today, it's done all of those things. I do not know how handle you. Do you not see how your actions are affecting me? Can you not see the hurt on my face? Stop asking for "one more chance," I've given you a thousand.
What is happening here? You want for nothing. And you are treated no differently than anyone else in this household. We all live by the same rules. Do you not see this?
Perhaps, it's because you are four and you can't figure out how to express yourself any other way ...
Perhaps, it's because you are a middle child and you feel "invisible" ...
Perhaps, it's because you have low blood sugar ...
I don't know. I am at a complete loss. I have no clue of what course of action to take. Help me, Doodle. You are driving me crazy.
I love you, even when I can't stand you.
xoxo,
Mom
27 comments:
I love these letters!
As you know better than I, kids will be kids no matter what the age.
Hang in there and if need be, take a breather! Doodle will come around in time.
I don't have anything helpful to post, but I wanted to thank you for this post. Your letter is much more eloquent than I would ever be - but is EXACTLY how I am feeling with my 4 year old daughter right now! It's nice to know I am not the only one who has days like this.
I always laughed when people complained about the "terrible twos." In my world, and especially with my girls, the twos have got NUTHIN on the "f*cking fours."
Yeah. Been there ... done that. I have a book for you. Oh wait....I forgot..as soon as we figure out what the F they are doing, they change. Forget the book. Breathe.Just be thankful she's not a teenager yet....yeah..I'm here to help...LOL.
hang in there... I am sure it gets better. I am the middle of three girls and I turned out OK. (I think... ha ha).
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but I almost could write this to my TEENAGER. Teens are like toddlers, only with malice. *sigh*
I understand what you are going through. My son just turned 5 and he will be the death of me.
Hang in there. We will all make it.. I hope.
Understand. And it bites. Sometimes mommy needs a time out to refresh.
yeah...for me it is my 7y.o. who is the worst offender. it breaks my heart that she needs to act out so much more than everyone else. i wish i knew why, too.
I have a four year old daughter who is acting the same way. I am not dealing with it well because she has always been such a sweetheart and now it's like she's possessed. I miss my sweetums.
I could have written the same to my 8 year old last night. She's 8 though and knows better than a 4 year old for sure. Good luck.
I am so sorry things are so tough now! I can totally relate, my 3 yr old brings me to tears and infuriates me all at the same time. And, I have wanted to give up to, but know that I need to keep at it and keep being consistent and not tolerate his behavior.
You are strong and you can do this! Just keep being the consistent parent that you are and this, will hopefully pass.
Hang in there...my kids (19 and 13) brought me to tears on many occasions when they were little. She's not trying to hurt you, even though that is the result. I don't know why she's acting out, but from my experience her behavior is normal for a 4 year old. Be as confident in your role as a mother as you are in your role as a runner...you've got this! :)
Your kids will learn so much from these open letters when they are older. What a gift for them as (potential) future moms.
As a middle child with a middle child, I do think there are seemingly universal issues in being a middle. However true that might be, a firm consistant loving hand is usually best. It tires and tries the parents but she will be bette off for it. I wouldn't wish my children's spacing on any one. I have issues with wanting GF to sleep over (20 yr old), body image issues (from an intolerate father!) (10 yr old) and complete disobedince (almost 3 yr old), I think most days I will go insane trying to figure out how to parent them BUT each night I find I have somehow made it through and they are all still sorta speaking to me. Good Luck standing firm and find the energy.
I am going through the same thing with Addison, so I am thinking it's just age. It's really disheartening though. :(
Lately, well the last 6 months as I waited for my little one to turn 4 - you know the supposed magic number I started repeating my expectations to her on a daily basis......overkill - but it has helped with the insane tantrum over nothing. As with all phases this will pass. It used to be the terrible 2's, then the 3's were the new 2's - her is hoping that the 4's don't become the new 3's LOL
I'm with Bobbi- it is the fucking fours. Mine is turning 5 but if she starts to finally listen to me I'll be surprised.
Please replace Doodle with Spud and this is my life right now. I cannot stand 4. 2 was a breeze - at least I knew he couldn't speak and that was the problem. Now he's extremely articulate. Just ornery. I read somewhere that defiance at this age is a way of trying to assert independence. Great.
We've gone with calling it the "F*** You Fours" over here - and it's only been 2 months... You are not alone!
It's that #2 syndrome, man. #2's are a special breed....
No advice, just well wishes that you can figure it out, or it works itself out.
I have a 4 and 6 yr. old and have sooo been there!! Hang in there...it WILL get better!
this sounds really hard. sorry, lady! hope this phase passes quick!
oh man! I can so relate!!
Hang in there!
Hang in there! Been there & it just plain sucks!
Hold the line, Mama, hold the line. :-)
This, too, shall pass.
I always said the frustrating fours were much tougher than the terrible twos...hang in there mom, fascinating fives are around the corner.
Hang in there mama!
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