Wednesday, May 14, 2008

she ate poop?

I know you are intrigued and at least slightly grossed out by the title of this post, but read on. I promise, it's not as bad as it seems. In fact, it's quite educational.

Over the past three years, I have lost the ability to function like a normal human being. Instead, I have been taken over by "Mommy Brain." I'm sure that every last mother out there has experienced this (right? I can't be the only one). If you're not sure, or just need a refresher (very likely if you are currently suffering from "Mommy Brain" yourself), here it is.

1. Before you had children, bodily functions (especially other people's) were gross. You would never talk about poop, vomit or drainage of any sort. Now, you could write a dissertation on the many complexities of a breastfed baby's poop with ease.

2. You used to have adult conversations about everything and anything, except children. But now it's hard to go a few minutes without mentioning your children, other people's children or just child rearing in general. Don't believe me? Just try it. I bet that if you are able to have a "normal" conversation, you had to stop yourself at least once from bringing up your kids.

3. Your vocabulary has changed, and it's not for the better. Sure you curse less, but instead you've added baby phrases, which you will use not only with your children, but with adults as well. For example, a train is no longer just a train. It's a choo-choo train. As in, "Hey, look at all of those people getting on the choo-choo train! TOOT! TOOT!" Oh and my favorite - night, night. As if saying "Good night" is too difficult. It's the same amount of syllables and just as easy to say, yet on countless occasions I have rolled over in bed and said night, night to J.

There are many other symptoms of "Mommy Brain," but you can easily be diagnosed with the disease if you suffer from any (or all) of the above. Yet, despite all of the annoying characteristics of "Mommy Brain" I have found at least one redeeming quality of the disorder - the ability to dissect the most complex topics into bite-size pieces that even a preschooler can understand.

Case in point - Digestion. Dizzle wanted to know about it, so I had to provide her with accurate information (mostly) that was easy to understand. It all started like this ...

Dizzle: "What did Doodle poop?"

Me: "Her food."

Dizzle: "She ate poop?"

Me: "No, she ate food."

Dizzle: (Confused look)

Me: "Dizzle, this is how it works. When you eat food, it goes in your belly. Then the little bugs (bacteria) in your belly chew up the food some more and then send all the good parts to your body so that you can get big and strong. Then whatever is left over gets pooped out."

Dizzle: "There are bugs in my belly?"

Me: "Yes, they are called bacteria and they take the good stuff out of your food."

Dizzle: "And then I poop."

Me: "Yes. And then you poop."

And Dizzle totally got it too. All afternoon she told me that the bugs in her belly were eating her sandwich. And this morning, when she pooped, she told me that her cheese sandwich was in there (pointing to the toilet).

See, a totally complex process made simple for a three-year old. Isn't "Mommy Brain" amazing?

*** Thanks to our resident Earth Momma for reminding me to post my run log. See, "Mommy Brain" again!! Anyway, here's day two of training. DAY TWO: 3 miles. 27:50. Outside with the girls in tow.


Earth Momma Mer said...

LOL! Oh my goodness, Tonia. This one should be a published piece. I am copying and pasting this on my wall so when my "mommy brain" goes blank and Simon asks me this question, I will be prepared! Your writing continues to make me smile!
Hey - what about your running log today?

Anonymous said...

Don't forget that I continually call the toilet - the 'potty' I told my mother the other day that I had to go potty - uugh! Mommy Brain will never go away!!